


Two Truths and A Lie

by SmallSound



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: F/F, M/M, Multi, New love, Other, Polyamory Negotiations, Sex, Some Fluff, Some angst, this is gonna be a long one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-19
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-21 04:50:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13733520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmallSound/pseuds/SmallSound
Summary: A few years after they join Preventer, Duo and Heero are sent on a space mine clean-up mission. Alone in space together for several weeks, the two ex-Gundam pilots find they have time to find out who they are and who they want to be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN: This is my first time writing anything other than poetry or academic papers in about 11 years, so things are a bit rough around the edges, as such I would absolutely encourage critiques. I need help with atmosphere, flow of dialogue, all that good stuff I've neglected.  
> EDIT: Thank you to my lovely beta reader, SFA for patiently working with me and knocking all the kinks out of my plot. And for reminding me that it’s not all about dicks. (It’s definitely all about dicks tho)

Chapter 1

It wasn't that there was too little to do on the shuttle -- there was a range of activities created to challenge them mentally and physically for up to 50 years, logic puzzles and AR games with branching answers and narrative options that effectively condensed so many potential years of entertainment into one or two handheld devices -- it was more that Duo and Heero had a strain of tension between them that was like tinnitus; in this almost perfect quiet they couldn't ignore it. So instead of playing with logic puzzles after every work period the two would sit down at the small table that made up their shared social space, easily accessible behind the main comm center, and they would talk. They talked about most everything, about what they didn't like, about the Gundams, about the tedium of bureaucracy they were mired in now and whether or not they believed it was the lesser of two evils. The end of shift had become a sort of thought experiment, not so much a "who are you?" but a "who are we now?"

The Gundams played a huge role in these conversations, even after three years they still found the suits to be a dominant aspect of their identities. Or rather, with their different childhoods the two were fascinated by how their responsibility in re-envisioning Operation Meteor had helped propel them both towards who they were today, sharing a similar enough perspective on the world as to decide, after some months of deliberation, that working with Preventer was their best course of action for now. Defending the peace they had fought for being one of the few things either ex-pilot felt had actually been salvaged from the rubble of two wars.

"So let me get this straight," Duo had been fiddling with a pen but he set it down and looked across the table at Heero, who had his arms crossed and was eyeing him stoically. "the first time I offered to fix your Gundam it was like...like a violation?"

Heero studied the other man with his typical stoic demeanor as he played with the pen, but broke eye contact at that description, and began to speak at some middle distance past Duo's left ear. "Yeah, that's one way of saying it, it felt like you were offering to do surgery on me," The confession sounded easier coming from his mouth than it had felt coming to that conclusion. It was a thought that weighed on his mind heavily ever since he had first shipped Wing off to Quatre in that first botched attempt to send the Gundams into the sun, to destroy the icons of a complicated and terrible moment in history.

"That's intense," Duo mumbled, picking up the pen again.

"Yeah," Heero grunted. The conversation stalled as Heero receded into himself with all the tell-tale signs, lowered lids, tense shoulders, ankles crossed. Duo had learned not to press Heero when he shut down and so he focused on the pen and let the other man have his silence.

"That suit was more me than me,"

Duo let out a heavy sigh at that, looked off to the side and crossed his arms. "Man that makes a lot of sense, all the nights I spent sleeping in Deathscythe, having to wake up and start fighting at a moments notice, it was crazy looking back at it,"

Heero closed himself even more at that, though Duo took little notice, having drifted into his own memories. 

"I was just..a piece of it," Duo re-focused on Heero. His tone was so soft, Duo had never heard the other man sound so vulnerable. "I was raised to be a piece of Wing, not a person, or barely, I had to be fixed sometimes and it was like being a chip, just a moving part, being outside Wing felt like being exposed, wrong...misplaced,"

"Heero..." Duo wanted to get up and comfort him but decided against it, figuring Heero needed space and to talk it out.

"The whole point of me being trained to be the perfect soldier was to protect the one part of Wing that was weakest but-" Heero struggled to find the words to express the weight pressed into his chest at the thought of how he had been re-trained so thoroughly be Dr. J at the insistence of the rebel group on his colony scrutinizing his display of human emotion after a botched mission that had destroyed at least one civilian apartment complex and killed a young girl and her puppy. A terrible mistake that had left him with nightmares, with the physical memory of the soft, furry body as he carried it. A faint grimace contorted his face. "I was told I was important because I was the only one," At that he looked at Duo, his gaze piercing, it would have been accusatory but Duo could see a hint of fear in his expression. "Then I met you and your Gundam was the same and I hated you," His voice was so solid with recognition, it only just wavered over the last two words. It scared Duo. "I hated you because your existence meant I was replaceable, when I saw you fixing your suit and saving mine I got-" Heero stopped, breaking eye contact once more. Duo could see him breathing more deeply, a lip twitch suddenly turned into a full on grimace and just like that Duo watched as Heero Yuy began to cry in front of him.

"Heero," This was so foreign to Duo, he always sensed the other pilot had hated him -- obviously their first encounter wasn't great -- but seeing the vulnerability that hatred was hiding was something Duo never could have imagined. The long-haired man stood up and walked around the circular table, sitting down in the chair closest to Heero. He put a hand on the man's shoulder and left it there.

Heero kept curling in on himself, gripping his forearms, his shoulders rolled forward, chin to chest. When he spoke again his voice was shaky, strained. "I was so scared,"

Duo couldn't take seeing Heero like this anymore and went in for a hug, Heero didn't fight it, didn't even respond, just let the other man awkwardly hold his curled form to his chest so the crown of Heero's head bumped his clavicle. "I was so scared of you," He sighed out, wiping at the tears on his face. "You were human,"

"You're human too," Duo knew that wasn't what Heero was saying, but he wanted to say something, he had to let Heero know that he was listening, that he was trying. 

"I'm not!" Heero shouted, sitting up, pushing away from Duo. "I'm not, I wasn't, I'm-" Heero looked anywhere but at Duo, his face wet with tears. "I'm-" He's breathing was stressed, shuddering, his brow furrowed as he looked for the words to encompass the sense that he was missing some vital element of his own existence.

"Heero, buddy, it's ok, I know-"

"You don't, you had a life, you had people the way I never did, I didn't get-"

A vidcom light began blinking at the main station. Duo caught sight of it just out of the corner of his eye, the chirping ringtone sounding off. He left Heero to go answer it. He sighed a little frustrated at the timing of the call and sat himself down in front of the screen in the co-pilot seat and pressed the accept call button."This is shuttle GL-X96, what's your status?" He rattled off automatically.

"Duo, this is HQ, status g- wait, why's Heero crying?" Hilde broke off as she focused on the whole scene on her vidcom.

"That's Heero's business, what's your status HQ?" Duo deflected, a little proud of himself for playing it straight and defending his co-pilot. 

"Uh- green, what's your status GL-X96?"

"Green, we've disabled 12 space mines near colony L3 in the past 12 hours, none detected for another 130 kilometers," Duo responded, wishing they were in one of the newer work shuttles where the vidcom screen was on a neck and could be angled so he could turn it away from Heero.

"Did you get in a fight?" Hilde leaned in to the screen, blocking visibility from her end, a move Duo was thankful for.

Duo shook his head. "It's fine, we're just," He sighed and shrugged. "going through a rough adjustment,"

Hilde gave him a look, a stern warning that he couldn’t hide vital information, and to her, Heero openly weeping seemed pretty vital. Duo responded with his own, not-bullshit glare that Hilde immediately recognized as the one he used he genuinely could not share something with her, it was a boundary that she always knew to respect. In the background Heero sniffed audibly.

"Good to hear it GL-X96," Hilde said, shifting back to professional mode, their silent conversation settled. "Preventer HQ signing off."

"GL-X96 signing off," Duo responded, ending the call. When he got up from the sign in Duo saw that Heero had managed to get some paper napkins, a few of them were wadded up on the table in front of him, his chair turned slightly so his back was facing the comm center. He wouldn't look at Duo when he sat back down beside him. The moment had been jarringly cut off and neither of them knew how -- or even if -- they wanted to return to it. Of course Duo spoke up after a tense few seconds. "I'm here," He said simply, not knowing what else to say. "I'm here," He put what he hoped was a comforting hand on the other man's upper back. Heero didn't move but his breathing was noticeably calmer.

"What was it like?" Heero said in a soft, flat tone after a few seconds.

"What was what like?"

"On your colony, as an orphan," There was no question to his voice, just Heero's straightforward eerily honest tone with a raw edge to it.

Duo thought for a bit, removing his hand from Heero's back, putting it behind his own head. "I dunno, it was rough, lotta fighting, times were tough, but y'know, we managed," He shrugged, trying not to remember anything specifically.

"What was it like living with other kids," Heero pressed on.

"I mean," Duo scratched the back of his head, letting out a breath. "kids are assholes but we looked out for each other, and Father Maxwell and sister Helen were always there for me," He shrugged again, trying hard not to show how uncomfortable he was talking about himself. The memories started to form in little clips and he added absentmindedly. "other kids pulled my hair a lot," Heero chuckled lightly at that and Duo felt a wave of relief. "Heero..."

Heero looked at Duo over his shoulder.

"I- I think you're human," Duo offered weakly, not quite sure what he even wanted to say.

Heero snorted at that, shaking his head. "That's not the problem," he sighed. "I don't know what is,"

"Oh man," Duo let out a little laugh at that. "You and me both,"

The tension eased considerably and both of them sat up a little more, unwinding. Duo stretched his legs out in front of him and crossed them at the ankles, side glancing at Heero who had turned his swivel chair to its neutral position , putting Duo back in his line of sight. "Thank you," He said simply, looking Duo straight in the eye, expression inscrutable though his eyes were still red rimmed. 

"No problem," Duo felt some caution, his expression nonplussed. He watched as Heero stood up, gathering his used napkins in one hand and walked to the doorway of his bunk. "Goodnight," He said as the automatic door opened before him and closed behind him in a small rush of air.

"Goodnight," Duo said to the closed door. He stayed up for another hour, just listening to the background hum of machinery, thinking about everything just enough for it to become a sort of mental white noise.

In his small room Heero found himself drifting off within the hour, a unique kind of fatigue pulling him down into a dreamless sleep.

~~ ~~ ~~

"Two truths and a lie," Duo explained after they had cleared away 'dinner'. "Is just what it sounds like," he took a swig of beer. "you tell two truths and one lie -- in whatever order -- and the other person has to figure out the lie," he shrugged at Heero's slightly skeptical look. "It's a team building exercise, get people to open up about themselves and learn about what their co-workers, or whoever, prioritize,"

Heero drank his own beer, looking pensive. "We already know each other," he pointed out. 

"Yeah, but these are small details like..." Duo thought for a second. "Alright, here's one," smirking, Duo pointed the neck of his bottle at Heero across the table. "When I was seven I stole an uncut diamond from the pocket of a diamond smuggler, I once fought off a rabid dog and got thirty stitches on my arm, and when I first met Professor G I made fun of his hair,"

"You never fought off a dog," Heero responded quickly.

"Aa!" Duo jeered, setting down his beer and pulling the sleeve back on his left forearm, pointing to a small grouping of scar tissue which, sure enough, looked like the bite radius of a dog. "Hell of a rabies shot too, y'know they get a huge needle and inject it straight into your gut?"

"Yes." Heero said simply.

"...Oh," Duo faltered slightly.

"I got attacked by a raccoon when I slept in the ambulance I stole the first time I landed on Earth,"

Duo stared at Heero, a little incredulous. "Really?"

"I didn't properly lock the back, I woke up to a mother raccoon crawling on me," Heero shrugged, standing up so he could lift his shirt and show Duo the right side of his abdomen, maybe two inches above his hip. A clear ring of pink scar tissue dots stood out against his more pale olive skin.

Duo laughed at that. "Oh man, I had no idea, that's crazy,"

"Did the dog die?" Heero asked after a few seconds, catching Duo off guard. The other man's demeanour shifted immediately and he turned his head to the side, grabbing his beer.  
"It did, yeah,” He said, shoulders tense, tone a just slightly defensive.  
"I'm sorry," Heero said just as simply as he'd asked the question. There was a long period of silence where Heero calmly nursed his beer and Duo, slightly curled in on himself, tried to convince himself to say anything.  
"How do you do it?" He said finally, still not looking at Heero.

"How do I do what?" Heero stood, taking his empty bottle to the recycling shoot and retrieving another two from the small fridge, popping off the caps. He set one down next to Duo's 1/4 full bottle before sitting back down.

"The other night, when you just...opened up," He looked up at Heero, expression somewhere between frustrated and concerned. "How do you let it all out?"

Heero let the question sit between them for a bit, the silence making Duo's stomach twist into a knot.

"I was told to always act on my emotions, it's just something I've always done along with all of my other training," He paused. "It was a way of making sure I never burned out, never became useless to my Gundam," Heero stated at the neck of his beer.

"I still can't believe you think you're useless," Duo muttered just under his breath, unsure of what it was he was feeling towards the other man. It couldn't have been jealousy...

Heero shrugged at Duo's comment, looking off to the side. "That was part of making sure I didn't get in the way of my Gundam," 

Duo stared at Heero and all the information seemed to click into place, Heero wasn't raised; he was built. He was built to be just part of Wing, a pilot, but more (or less?) than that. He was meant to be the mind, the heart of his Gundam, one step removed from being an AI. "You...Heero you-" He stopped, searching for the words to describe his disbelief, memories of their first meeting flooding back to him with the clarity of his new understanding. "How did you feel when we destroyed them?" He asked in a soft voice, almost afraid to get an answer.

Heero didn't answer Duo immediately, didn't look the other man in the eye, but his expression went completely blank they way Duo had only seen it go a few times before when things went very wrong during missions. "Like my skin was being peeled off," Heero's voice had a hollow tone to it that almost made Duo shudder. "I kept having this nagging feeling like I had left something vital inside the cockpit, but I knew it was just me...I knew it was just-" Heero's voice hitched and Duo saw his eyes mist over. "everything I am is part of a Gundam," his lip trembled, brow furrowed. "I'm not human." Heero whispered. 

Duo felt a sudden wave of anger towards Dr. J, who created Wing, who had effectively created Heero. "Fuck that," He growled before he could stop himself.

Heero gave Duo a mild look of surprise at that.

Duo shook his head. "I'm sorry, it's just fucked, I hate it - who does that," Duo killed his beer and reached for the new one. "You're human, Heero, you're so fucking human," He said, with a conviction Heero remembered from their more dangerous missions. Those times when the only thing getting them through a large scale ambush was determination. And now Duo was using that tone with Heero, looking the other man in the eye, his jaw set, his eyes clear. It made Heero believe him, and not for the first time the perfect soldier was struck by Duo's strength, the intangible but real strength that Duo always had simmering behind a smirk or a bad joke. He was giving that to Heero who just looked back him in stunned silence, unable to respond.

"You're fighting your whole upbringing to be human," Duo pressed on. "You're so-" He stopped, face screwed up in a frown. "You're like-" He let out a frustrated sigh, setting his beer on the table so he could scrub at his face with both hands. "Dammit ‘Ro, you're uber-human,"

Heero looked at Duo in stunned silence for another several seconds before he started laughing, a chuckle that grew to a belly laugh that almost doubled him over.

Duo joined him, realizing how ridiculous it had sounded, how over-the-top it had all been.

"Y'see," Duo said after a while, regaining his composure a bit. "What's a Gundam need with laughter?"

Heero shrugged, still chuckling slightly, his shoulders shaking as he sat back with a grin on his face. "It's not that clear," He said, letting out a long breath. "I was encouraged to express my emotions openly when not piloting, it's a weird headspace where I know it's right to express all this stuff but is it because of my training, is it part of just being efficient?" Heero's tone got more and more level as he explained himself. "Is it normal? I don't see any of you compartmentalizing the way I do,"

"Heero," Duo leveled at the other man. "I'm fucked up, I was fucked up before my scientist got to me and I'll be fucked up until I die," He took a swig of beer, relieved at the lack of tension. "There's not a good metric, the fact is that your guy? He did the best he could to make you emotionally stable," Heero opened his mouth to respond but Duo put his hand up. "And yeah, I get the point of that training, but now? Now that the Gundams are gone and we have jobs? With vacation days? You've got a foundation to grow on as a person, a real, stable, possibly sane human person," Duo shook his head in awe. "Man, Heero, you're solid,"

"Solid," Heero echoed, smiling.

Duo nodded. "You're human, Heero Yuy," He said, tone soft.

They finished drinking in a playful sort of quiet, a light chuckle coming from one or the other occasionally. When the sign in call came in Heero answered it as Duo disposed of their empty bottles. He could hear Heero's tone had shifted perfectly back to its automatic, professional style. He could imagine Hilde mentally debating whether or not to bring up the crying incident as they ran through protocol. The sign in ended before she could muster up the courage- or she just decided against it- though Duo had a feeling she would press Heero when they returned to HQ.

Heero sat at the main station for a few seconds longer after signing off, his expression distant. When he stood up and went back to his usual place at the table Duo eyed him curiously. "Here's one," Heero said, looking over at Duo standing beside the recycling shoot. 

"Hm?" Duo raised his eyebrows slightly, unsure of what Heero was referring to.

"When I was ten I accidentally kicked Dr. J in the groin when he was giving me a vaccine, I used to think sex was illegal and for two years I had a dog named Popcorn," The smallest smirk played on Heero's lips as he eyed the other man in mock-challenge.

Duo stared at Heero, unable to deduce what could possibly be true about any of that. "You...kicked Dr. J in the balls?"

Heero shrugged. "I got freaked out," He stated simply.

"So...you didn't..." Duo thought carefully, eyeing Heero, unable to keep a grin off his face at the ridiculous notion he was grappling with. "No, you could not have thought sex was illegal," He snorted. 

Heero's smirk turned into a grin. 

"No way," Duo's eyes went wide. "Seriously?!"

"I didn't have a dog named Popcorn," Heero said by way of admission.

"What?" Duo burst out laughing. "How?!"

Heero chuckled along with Duo's laughter, shaking his head and shrugging. "Reproduction was described to me so clinically I thought they were two separate acts,"

This sent Duo into a whole new fit of laughter. "This is so like them!" He cackled, tears at the corners of his eyes. "Oh man, this is priceless!"

The time passed in a light tone from that point on. Duo was even able to reminisce and share some of the less morbid anecdotes from his childhood on L2. He was surprised by how genuinely interested Heero was in hearing about the "pranks" Duo and the other orphans used to play on each other as well as unsuspecting strangers. Afterwards, in his bunk, Duo realized that Heero may have been relieved to know he grew up almost similarly, maybe not as socialized, but he was still allowed to push the limits of his world with little consequence. 

Duo thought Dr. J, considering he had given Heero a surprising amount of coping mechanisms, had indulged Heero's young mind to the best of his abilities while training the child soldier. The thought gave Duo a sense of relief. He'd met Heero at the height of the other man's stress; on a new battleground, mission gone awry, just trying to clean up loose ends the most efficient way he knew how. That first impression had really biased him- had biased them both- Duo realized, made him assume Heero was reckless, even suicidal. But now it all made sense and Duo was glad to know at least one of them was going to be ok, really ok. It was probably the most altruistic moment Duo had ever had.

Duo didn't remember his dreams during that sleep cycle, but he woke up with the feeling he used to get when a mission went smoothly.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duo learns more about Heero than he ever expected to. Heero learns one thing about Duo he'd learned not to hope for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to SFA, my beta reader, you ask the best questions and make me laugh at my own mistakes, thank you.

Chapter 2

"Shit," Heero heard Duo curse over the open channel and immediately stopped what he was doing.

"What is it?"

"Nothin', just this glare, almost tapped the damn thing," Duo grumbled.

"Do you want me to go over there?" Heero's voice felt oddly invasive in Duo's own headset, the eerily clean signal made it feel like an almost physical presence. Juxtaposed with the absolute void of space the sound was jarring. Radio communication in space, Duo thought, was an odd form of haunting.

"No, it's fine, I'm deactivating it now," Duo's voice assured Heero, "just hate these new models, so fuckin’ reflective," He muttered.

"Put down your visor,"

"It's down."

"I'm coming over, it shouldn't be bothering you that much," Heero pushed off from his standing position on top of the shuttle, aiming his weightless self towards Duo some 30 yards away. He reached out to the other man when they were close enough and Duo grabbed his hand, slowing Heero down before he drifted past.

"It's not a big deal, Heero, really, it's just so bright out here sometimes it hurts my head," Duo griped as Heero inspected his helmet.

"Yeah," Heero agreed absentmindedly as he looked over Duo's visor, then at the space mine the other man had been dealing with. It was surrounded by a small grid of metal puck-looking things floating about a foot away from it, creating a visible net of electricity around the dangerous ball of metal. The device in Duo's hand was counting down the time to the mine's deactivation and displaying different information about the mine's sensitivity, radioactive output and so on.

"We can bring out the solar shield," Heero offered.

"That thing's so bulky it's more hassle than it’s worth," Duo huffed.

Heero shrugged, "I can bring it out once you get a lock on a mine, it's no big deal,"

"But then we don't have a safety if something goes wrong," Duo pointed out, unable to express why Heero's persistent offers made him feel odd.

"Duo, we've been out here for weeks, we have lifelines, we're miles from harmful debris and these suits are well protected, why don't you want my help?" Heero leveled at Duo, only the barest hint of irritation in his voice.

Duo looked pointedly down at the demining remote in his hand and didn't answer Heero. The silence grew until he could feel the pressure of it on his chest, but he refused its demand for honesty, opting instead to hide behind his pride. "It's fine, go ahead, you know I can't stop you," The remote blinked and Duo turned it off, causing the metal plates surrounding the mine to shut down. He gathered them up while Heero retrieved the now defunct mine.

They didn't speak for the rest of their shift except to relay vital information about systems on the ship or a potential mine. The quiet would have been torture for anyone else but the two ex-terrorists were adept at living with it. They acknowledged it with their actions, didn't let it get in the way of important work, understood it as a guest. Eventually it would leave.

At 'dinner' time Heero spoke again, between finishing his food and getting up to grab a drink. He found beer useful for talking to Duo and the flavor was strangely appealing to him, possibly because he now associated it with some of their more constructive talks.

"You can stop me," Heero said simply over the hiss and pop of the bottle cap as he pried it off. He set it down in front of Duo before he turned to get another one from the small fridge situated just a few feet behind where Duo sat.

"From...getting me a beer?" Duo picked up the bottle, recognizing the peace offering.

"From anything you don't want me to do," Heero responded patiently, walking back to his seat. "If you don't want help with the sun shield I won't press it, but if it's something else we should talk about it," The silence exerted itself one last time, knowing it was time to leave.

Duo took a long pull on his beer, refusing meet Heero’s steady gaze. After a few seconds he shrugged. "I dunno, man, it's just," He let out a sigh, fighting against the tight knot in his gut that demanded he protect it by pushing Heero away and refusing explanation. The perfect soldier wouldn't accept that, he knew it, and a deeper part of him knew the so-called perfect soldier was right. So he tried to put it into words, tried to accept Heero's help, "it's like I keep being thrown off-balance," Heero made no effort to respond and the former God of Death knew he had to keep talking, "I can never tell where I stand with you or, hell, where I stand in general sometimes,"

"That's normal," Heero said after a pause, "I'm sorry I make you feel that way," He added, "If I could show you where I think we stand I would,"

"Well thanks," Duo snorted, immediately regretting the sarcasm in his voice, "I mean really, that's...thanks," he ended lamely.

"Of course," The soft tone of sincerity in Heero's voice threw Duo for a loop and he looked at Heero finally, unable to repress a small smirk. The years had started showing just in the corners of the former terrorists eyes, and Duo would be remiss if he were to ignore that fact that Heero had gone from a gangly 15-year-old to a man with a strong jaw, broad shoulders and healthier muscle tone. He didn’t look nearly as old as they both felt, but he at least had the appearance of someone who ate and worked out regularly.

"Man," Duo shook his head, "you're a trip, Heero," he murmured, a tinge of wonder in his voice.

The former Perfect Soldier returned a small smirk of his own, "You've been telling me that since we met," He pointed out.

Duo gave a chuckle at that, feeling the knot in his gut unfurl. He took another swig of beer, "Yeah, you're right,"

The next several days progressed in a comfortable, quiet peace that occasionally ebbed away to make room for simple conversations that were so natural and ordinary that they both felt a faint sense of awe now and again. These were interactions neither man thought they would live long enough to have. To Heero it was a reassurance of what his partner had told him, that he was human, that he had everything he needed to be human.

To Duo it was all too sweet. He recognized it as a promise of loss. Abandonment. While they were in the shuttle together he knew he could ignore it, but...

~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~

The alarm was designed to make anyone who heard it understand it was time to panic. Heero remembered an engineer explaining to him how it was based off the design of pre-colonial smoke alarms. The tone of excitement in the man's voice came back to Heero as he rolled out of his bunk, the unique keening beep slicing through the atmosphere every ten seconds. Heero got into his jumpsuit and, fighting the urge to rush, opened the door of his sleeping quarters.

Of course Duo was already at the main station in his boxers and tank top, looking agitated but no more rushed than Heero. The slightly shorter man noticed how his partner’s mildly agitated expression brought out the lines in his otherwise young face. How his light stubble reminded Heero that neither of them really had a chance to grow-up, had just been flung into two wars with the weight of the colony on their slight frames. And yet, somehow, even with their history marring their flesh as well as their psyches - Heero’s eyes landed on a small patch of white scar tissue made by shrapnel centimeters below Duo’s right ear - they both managed to keep themselves together. He supposed it was that Preventer gave them both a sense of focus, and as long as they had something bigger than themselves to focus on they could keep it together one goal, one mission, one outside priority at a time.

"The right aft fuselage and the rudder got dinged by some asteroids," Duo muttered, perturbed, as he turned off the alarm.

"I figured that would happen eventually," Heero commented as he got up and headed through the doorway that lead to the airlock prep station where their space suits were kept. Duo shrugged and followed him.

~~

"Well this isn't so bad," Duo observed, running a gloved hand over the small hole in the rudder. It took them a few minutes to find the damage and they were relieved when they saw it wasn't a massive breach that would require emergency assistance.

Heero unpacked the soldering kit, sticking it magnetically to the rudder and pulling out a tape measure. "Looks like we have some scrap that can cover this," He measured the diameter of the hole and input the information on his notepad. "Let's go find the other one,"

The aft fuselage damage was easier to spot, just on the lip of the rightmost booster, a sizable chunk had been bent and torn. About five feet or so of ragged metal stretched out from the collision point like wet paper that a hand had just pinched and pulled.

"Oh boy, this might be a problem," Duo groaned.

Heero let out a grunt and walked along the cusp of the booster, coming up to the damage and pulled a screening device out of the soldering kit, tapping through it to look at the diagrams of the specific booster he was standing on. A 3D scanner light on the back of the rectangular pad emitted a red grid over the booster where Heero aimed it, sweeping over the area in question. "Frame damage," He confirmed, sending the information to Duo where it popped up as a projected image on the inside of his visor.

"Should we fix the rudder and call this in?" Duo's voice asked in his headset as the man floated several feet away, picking up huge pieces of metal that were floating free.

"We'll call it in when we go get materials to fix the rudder," Heero stood and picked up the soldering kit replacing everything and closing it.

"Roger that," Duo propelled himself over to Heero. As he waited for Duo to make his way over to him, he was struck by the tranquility juxtaposed with the destroyed metal just a foot away from him. All at once the former pilot of Wing Zero got the sense that time was running out and his pulse hitched as adrenaline rushed through him. Every second was precious and solid with mortality and he tasted metal under his tongue. As soon as Duo made it close enough to him, Heero pushed off from the booster and shot back to the air lock using the small emergency jets in his suit.

Without question Duo followed, keeping close to Heero as they re-entered the ship and made their way to the comm center. It was like following the flow of a stream, suddenly Duo felt it too, the situation had become dire and the former Gundam pilots slipped far too easily back into the mindset they had been trying to shake for the last three years.

The next several hours were severe, jaw-lined silence and work. The order for an engineering team was sent and confirmed and the rudder was patched. Once the work was done they calculated they had about 16 hours before the engineering team showed up which effectively meant they had a mandatory break until repairs were done. It also meant that they were stuck in an area where asteroids could damage the shuttle again. The facts of the situation made the space that Heero and Duo occupied that much more confining. They went about their old war-time regiments without a word, rigorous workouts, regular system checks. Neither pilot seemed aware that the heightened tension was abnormal until the call from HQ came in telling them the engineering crew had just left the dock.

"-they'll be in your sector at approximately 1300 hours," Noin rattled off, obviously worn down from a long shift but still professional and open.

"We need them here in eight hours, what do you mean they just left?" Heero didn't snap, but he took on the same tone Duo recognized from the first time he'd offered to fix the other man's Gundam.

Noin was obviously taken aback by the attitude, "Wh- Heero we had to get a new aft booster ready and we have mandatory shifts, they've been working on this for eight hours already, I-" Duo placed a hand on Heero's shoulder and leaned in to the vidcom.

"It’s fine, Noin, thank you, tell Hilde I said ‘hi’ and thanks for working on this, hope you all get some rest," Duo ended the call and got in Heero's face. "Heero, buddy, we need to calm down," He reprimanded his partner in a grave tone.

Heero narrowed his eyes at the other man before his face settled into the same scowl he wore when he realized there was something vital he'd overlooked. He conceded with a nod and followed Duo when he straightened up and went to the fridge. They both picked out a meal and popped them in the hydrator. Heero accepted the beer Duo handed to him from over the table as they both went through the typical dinner routine.

"Used to be a time when alcohol and pressurized stuff wasn't advisable on space shuttles," Duo smirked, taking a swig, "glad those days are over," he chuckled.

The hydrator pinged and Heero stood up, "I got it," he offered, much calmer than earlier. His pulse hadn't settled, but Duo's confrontation had made him realize what was happening and he was determined to get out of the mindset.

They sat in silence for the first beer, eating, remembering that nothing was truly at stake here. No mobile suits were on their way, they were not sitting ducks. If anything, they were doing a glorified janitorial job, a job that was forced on them by Une because they had both repeatedly refused to use their vacation time.

"Defunct," Heero almost started at the word, and how the bottle Duo set down next to his empty one made a small 'tonk' in the stillness. Heero had been so caught up in his thoughts he hadn't even noticed the other man had moved.

"Defunct," he echoed absentmindedly, staring at the dark brown glass. How much more beer could they drink. Every 'night' the ritual and even with limited supplies there was always a second beer. When did they even develop a taste for it? Where had the last three years gone? "We’re defunct," Heero muttered grabbing the bottle. Duo raised his own in a mock toast.

"Here's to us, the defunct," They both took a long pull, perfectly mirroring each other on opposite ends of the table.

Eighteen more hours of being useless.

~~

"-and he just stands there, the fuckin’ pipe spewing water like crazy and I’m so damn tired I just wanna finish taking my shower, fuckin’ suds in my hair. I finally grabbed the wrench from him and tried to fix the thing myself, and that’s when he snaps out of it and gets to work," Duo gesticulated, waving the hand that was holding his fifth beer, nearly knocking over the clutter of empty bottles in front of him. "I get that it’s not his department, great that he answered the call first, but I swear he's trying to get fired sometimes," He chuckled taking a drink.

Heero let out a small laugh as well, a lopsided smirk on his face. He'd stretched out his legs in front of him and was holding his own beer in his lap. "Tony is actually a pretty good engineer, it's just..." Heero's smirk turned wry and he glanced down, lifting the bottle to his lips.

"It's just what?" Duo grinned back.

"He has a huge crush on you," Heero murmured into the bottle, creating an odd echo. He still had his gaze cast downward but heard Duo choke.

"What?!" Duo managed to choke out, pounding his free fist on the table, jangling the empty bottles. He looked at Heero who was still looking pointedly at his own lap, and even through the tears in his eyes Duo was surprised to see the other man, the most stoic person Duo had ever met, was blushing.

Duo regained most of his composure after a minute and gave Heero a look that would have been piercing if he was sober and Heero would look up. "How'd you know?"

Heero shrugged his shoulders, clearly not all that sober himself. "He told me,"

"He told you?" Duo echoed, letting out another cough.

Heero nodded, glancing up, his expression mischievous.

"He thought, since we know each other so well, he'd have an in," he killed his beer but kept the bottle in his hands and turned it idly around.

"Really," Duo's tone was playful, "how long ago did he tell you this?"

Heero thought for a minute, tilting his head to one side. "Maybe three weeks before we got deployed on this...janitorial duty," he snorted, showing his distaste for the job they were on for the first time.

Duo had a chuckle at that, the idea that anyone thinking Heero was the person to confide in was, well, actually pretty smart. Heero obviously wasn't a gossip, but to expect Heero to let Duo know? Or to somehow play matchmaker? That was a stretched. Of course, now all of Tony's quirks made sense and it flattered Duo, but perplexed him more so. Beyond being physically attractive he couldn't honestly understand how someone might be romantically interested in him. "Wow, OK,"

"It makes sense," Heero said simply, "he loves your open personality, your...he called it 'optimism in the face of your history',"

Duo groaned at that, running a hand over his face and grimacing comically.

Heero nodded sagely in agreement, though he still had a small smile on his lips. "He didn't have much involvement in the war,"

"Yeah, what is he? 22? He must've just been going into college when it was wrapping up," Duo mused, rolling his eyes.

"And on Earth," Heero conferred, getting up with the intention of getting two more beers. He wavered slightly as he stood and looked at Duo who was eyeing him with an amused expression.

"Maybe water," The long-haired man suggested.

Heero silently obliged, getting two large water bottles instead. "Would you date someone like him?" He asked, handing one to Duo.

"Nah," Duo accepted the bottle, cracking the plastic seal with a twist. He took a long drink before elaborating, "I can, I mean, maybe I could, but not Tony,"

"A man?" Heero asked, going back to his seat and taking a drink from his own water.

"Yeah, I mean it's not...hm," he stared off into space, pensive for a moment. "Never thought about gender or sex as being a thing, like, sometimes I just like a person, I dunno, I think it's called pansexual," Duo glanced at Heero, trying to gauge his reaction.

Heero was looking at him with an uncharacteristically warm, humored expression, his cheeks still a bit flush. "I've heard of that," he said looking back down again, his body language shifted slightly to what Duo swore, on anyone else, could have been embarrassment.

"Heero," He wheedled, unable to keep from teasing the typically stoic man, "you're acting a little odd, what's up?"

Heero didn't respond immediately but Duo knew this time he could wait his partner out.

"You know how-" Heero was obviously struggling a bit with how to word what he wanted to explain, "I...hated you?"

"Yeah, you told me," Duo couldn't keep the grin out of his voice. It was unignorable how cute Heero was being. It was the most bizarre thing he had ever witnessed, hands down. The perfect soldier was being downright bashful.

"I didn't-" Heero sighed, trying to regain some of his composure. "I'm drunk," he said to his lap, "let's talk about this when I'm not,"

"C'mon Heero, it can't be that bad," Duo coaxed, feeling a little let down. He couldn't just let this moment slip past, he could've sworn Heero was about to admit to some sort of crush.

"I really don't think it's a great idea," Heero refused, his voice a little quiet, a little slurred.

"Alright, I won't force you," Duo held up his hands in mock surrender. "You know you can tell me anything though, right?" Duo could hear himself saying the words but he had no idea how they were coming out of his mouth. "I'm not gonna judge you, I mean, we went through so much, hell, you could-" Duo stopped himself, feeling a hot blush rise on his face. Heero caught his gaze and held it, both of them seemed to suddenly know what the other one wanted to say.

Heero was the first to speak, still looking Duo in the eye. "I thought you were so ridiculous once I stopped hating you," he admitted, some of the familiar flat tone back in his voice, making Duo falter with a sense of doubt, feeling deflated, maybe he didn't know what Heero was trying to say. "But after being on Peacemillion I realized I missed you when I left,"

"Oh,"

"I didn't want to tell you, I didn't think it would be anything," Heero admitted, "I never believed I would live to see the end of the war so it didn't do much good," The way Heero talked about it made Duo feel a strong pang of sympathy.

"None of us did," Duo offered, unable to figure out how to react. "I...wouldn't have guessed, honestly," He offered up a weak smile, feeling a bit stupid for reasons he couldn't quite pin point.

"I know," Heero said, point blank.

"Way to be modest, man," Duo laughed, pleased to see a smirk on the other man's face.

Heero shrugged, sitting back in his chair. It seemed that with his confession made Heero was settling back into himself again, though he still carried a slight air of embarrassment and wouldn't look Duo straight in the eye.

"So..." Duo said into the mildly awkward silence that now pervaded, unsure of how to move forward, "uh, I..." He was drowning and Heero wasn't about to help him. "Hey, what about Relena?" thankful for a thought to come by, Duo latched on to the memory of Relena without thinking about what effect the name might have on the other man.

Heero surprised Duo yet again by giving a nonchalant shoulder shrug, "It ended pretty awkwardly, we...didn't have the same needs. Or interests," He admitted flatly.

"Oh, well...I guess that's that," Duo hadn't even considered that compatibility would be an issue between the two, especially after he watched Relena almost literally follow the perfect soldier to the ends of the earth. Trowa had even told him once about the trip to the Antarctic. "Is it- I mean, like you're gay?" The long-haired man cringed at his own wording but had no other idea how to phrase his thoughts. He hoped Heero didn't find it offensive.

"No, not really, I just didn't fit into her social strata. We had sex once, it was nice, but we just couldn't communicate," Never in all his years could Duo have imagined talking frankly with Heero Yuy about the man's sex life. The way he shared information baffled Duo, his complete, unashamed honesty at the facts almost made Duo jealous.

The silence settled back in after Heero's frank admission as Duo processed what he'd learned. It was strange to know that the man he'd shot on their first meeting now had feelings towards him that weren't hatred. It was even more interesting to find that Duo himself was oddly excited by the thought. In fact the idea of them together made sense to him now, they had a uniquely intimate history, both understood the problems the other faced with civilian lives, and Heero was...  
really cute when he blushed, actually.  


"Heero..."

"Yeah?"

Duo licked his lips nervously, opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, closed it and stood up, the determined gleam in his eye again. Setting his water bottle on the table, he walked over to Heero, the other man eyeing him with mild suspicion the whole time until he bent down to eye level with him and pressed a kiss to Heero's lips.

"I missed you too,"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Duo and Heero move forward in their new found interest.  
> Rated M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N1: Thank you to SFA my lovely and insightful beta reader <3!   
> A/N2: Thank you to everyone who reads and follows this story, your comments and interest really encourage me. I intend to make this story pretty long so please let me know what you think whenever you feel like it, I live off feedback.

Chapter 3

Heero Yuy didn’t miss opportunities. More specifically, he was trained not to miss opportunities, shots, targets or messages. Right now he was faced with an opportunity.  
Duo’s lips were warm against his own, the taller man’s stubble lightly pricking the skin around his mouth wasn’t unpleasant, but the surprise of the action had the former pilot of Wing Zero hyper-focused on the stimulus of the two very different sensations. It took Heero a second before he could think clearly enough to react, he barely registered the long-haired man’s confession as more than a breath of warm air against his now slightly wet lips.   
Just as Duo started to pull away from the unresponsive ex-pilot, Heero reached a hand up to his waist and looked his partner in the eye with the same steely expression he got when first tasked with a mission.  
“I-” Flooded with another sudden wave of doubt, Duo stammered and tried to take a step back from the other man but found that as he did Heero stood to meet him, his strong hand pressing into the small of Duo’s back as he pulled the former God of Death into him, angling his head for a better kiss.   
It was Duo’s turn to be surprised, he never would have guessed Heero would be so gentle, but the brush of his lips was soft, testing. It was like a question, the first half of a call and response. His lips slightly parted, Duo leaned in to the shorter man, one hand going to the left side of his face and the other to the small of Heero’s back as he deepened the kiss. They stood there for what felt like hours just lost in this new form of communication. Duo tested his tongue against the other man’s lips and Heero opened his mouth to let him in, noting the hot taste of beer and something else he just assumed was the natural taste of the his companion. Heero pulled away slightly to suck tentatively at Duo’s bottom lip, the act sending an unexpected shiver up Duo’s spine. Back and forth they traded licks, gentle nips and slipped their tongues around each other’s mouths, their bodies pressing closer together by degrees. One of Heero’s hands found its way to the back of Duo’s head and he buried long, callused fingers into the thick strands, pulling at them just enough to elicit a moan from the taller man, who reached the hand at the small of his partner’s back down to the perfect soldier’s ass and squeezed it, rocking his hips forward.   
Heero broke away first, looking Duo in the eye with an expression of lust that the L2 native had never seen the perfect soldier dawn before. It made his cock twitch, made him realize how little fabric there was between his body and the other man’s. Their navy blue jumpsuits mostly serving to outline their erections as the two ex-Gundam pilots ground their hips against each other.  
“Duo,” The way Heero said his name like a command made the man’s breath hitch as he held his partner’s hungry gaze, his own expression one of awe and desire. Their mouths were swollen and slightly red from stubble burn. There was a beat where the two simply stared at each other, then Heero guided them to his sleeping quarters, the hand that he had at the base of Duo’s skull slipped down the length of the man’s braid and he didn’t pull on it, but held it gently as he stepped backwards, refusing to break eye contact.  
The door opened to a room barely half the size of the main comm center of the shuttle. It had a small inset bookshelf on a wall to the right and in the back wall, not ten feet from the door, there was an extra long twin set into the wall so that it formed a kind of cubby space with a ceiling curving up about five feet above it with in-set lights. It was white, sterile and had very few angles like most of the inside of the shuttle.  
Once inside the much smaller room that contained the scarcest smattering of Heero’s belongings Duo felt a sudden deadening weight of uncertainty. He placed a hand on Heero’s chest and leveled him with a look that had none of the lust from earlier and the other man responded immediately, his posture changing to something closer to professional while his expression settled into apprehension mingled with determination.  
“Are you sure you want to do this now?” Duo was surprised to feel his voice come out in a light rasp, his tongue felt heavy and his lips were going dry. Without the haze of lust at the forefront of his mind the long-haired man was aware of being a solid step beyond ‘buzzed’ and was willing to bet the former perfect soldier was as well.   
Heero regarded him with a look that shifted from a light frown to an expression of understanding. He nodded, arms dropping to his sides. “You’re right,” Despite their decision, Duo found the gruff note in the other man’s voice pleasantly attractive. He knew this would be an undercurrent to their relationship now, that everything Heero did that was inscrutable or intimidating to him would also strike him as extremely sexy. Even so, the atmosphere of the situation had shifted and the shorter man sat on the bed, running a hand over his face and through his hair with a sigh. “I’m sorry,” he said, his voice soft.  
“Don’t be,” Duo sat down on his right side, pressing a shoulder to the other man, a wave of sympathy and relief rushing through him. He honestly hated being the one to stop this in its tracks, and if Duo was honest with himself it had been awhile since he’d so much as shared a kiss with someone else, but he didn’t feel like this was the right headspace for their first sexual encounter.   
Heero leaned against Duo in response, looking down at his own lap, eyes heavy lidded. They sat like that for a little while, Heero looking down at himself and Duo looking at the shorter man. He found himself following the just-visible lines around Heero’s mouth, at the corners of his eyes, small signs that the perfect soldier wasn’t quite perfect. The more he looked the more human the other man became, Duo noticed a few silver hairs, just at his temple. Without thinking he lifted a hand to Heero’s temple, brushing just the tips of his fingers through his hair. “You’re goin’ a little grey there, buddy,” he said in a low but playful tone, a little smile curling the edges of his mouth.  
Without moving, Heero shot him a mildly petulant look, tilting his head away from Duo’s touch. “I know,” There was a hint of defensiveness in his voice and the former pilot looked at the man next to him as if expecting Duo to tease him.  
Instead the long-haired man shrugged the shoulder he had pressed against Heero’s, leaning slightly more towards him, unable to ignore how endearing the shorter man had become since their shared revelation. And if he was honest with himself, now that the possibility of them having anything together was very much apparent, Duo didn’t want to stop noticing things about Heero. And he really didn’t want this to end with them awkwardly saying goodnight. He knew the alcohol in their systems was probably doing a lot of the work of encouraging his typically very stoic coworker into this not-so-stoic demeanor, helping Duo actually experience this intimacy. Helping him realize that it was something he actually wanted.   
Duo’s eyes glinted with a familiar mischief that visibly put Heero at ease and the two men shared another moderately awkward kiss over their joined shoulders before turning to better face one another. Their tongues played over each other, hands twining together as they moved further onto the bed. Duo used his slightly larger body to guide Heero so he was pressed against the wall at the foot of the bed but not trapped in the corner. The perfect soldier grunted and positioned himself so that his legs were spread on either side of the taller man, his erection clearly returning.   
“Fuck,” Duo groaned, untangling one hand from Heero’s and placing it on the other man’s bulge, feeling the heat, feeling his own erection return. “I really want to,” He growled into the other man’s jaw line, scraping his teeth along the rough stubble before plundering Heero’s mouth with another kiss, practically spilling his tongue down his partner’s throat.  
Heero bucked his hips into Duo’s hand, his own venturing down to the long-haired man’s ass, gripping the firm yet supple flesh of it possessively. He moaned around Duo’s invasive tongue, the sound coming from deep in his chest and he desperately pulled the taller man closer to him, untwining their other two hands and gripping at the base of Duo’s skull again. Pulling away from the hungry kiss Heero responds in his own growled “we can,” the hand he had on Duo’s ass now moved to his erection, causing him to press his hips forward with a low moan as the warmth of Heero’s palm engulfed the firm length of his cock, strong fingers curling with controlled pressure around his balls.   
“Goddammit, Yuy,” He ground out, rocking into the sensation, the friction driving him towards wanton abandonment. Maybe they were drunk, but they weren’t that drunk, and they couldn’t possibly regret something that felt so fucking good. “Fuck, fuck I want to,” the hand Duo had trained on Heero’s cock tightened, causing the typically stoic man to moan out again, pulling his hand away from the back of Duo’s head in order to tug at the zipper on the taller man’s jumpsuit. Duo looked at him and Heero’s face was set in a familiar steely glare laced with lustful want that bordered on pleading that made Duo throw all his fading uncertainty out the window. He took his hand away from Heero’s cock in order to wrap it around the hand at his zipper, his other arm at Heero’s side, stabilizing him in his bent over position as they both pulled down on the little metal tab, small and round like a tear, revealing a white tank top and light blue boxers which now featured a prominent wet spot.  
Heero stared at Duo’s now exposed skin as he helped his fellow ex-pilot out of his jumpsuit, pulling it down until it pooled at mid thigh. There was a mildly awkward pause where both men realized they were still wearing their work boots, though they made quick work of removing them, four thuds signaling their descent to the ground. With that done and another hard look of want, Heero removed as best he could his own jumpsuit as Duo stared on, licking his lips in what could have been either hunger or nervousness. Heero’s own erection had worked its way out of the slit in his boxers and as he pulled down the jumpsuit it sprang free, blushing red and slick with precum, a small bead of clear liquid at the very tip. Duo drank in the sight of the perfect soldier, legs spread wide, cock hard, eyes hooded with desire his whole body a landscape of want. He wasn’t wearing an undershirt. Duo noticed every scar, recognizing the puckered tissue of old bullet wounds, the small shrapnel scar slicing a half-inch long line of white through the trail of hair that led from Heero’s navel down under the waistband of his boxers, to the thick brown curls surrounding his erection.   
Duo reached out to the small scar, running his index finger across it while Heero studied the man’s face, his eyes slightly unfocused with lust. As Duo continued to run his finger down the trail of hair, Heero placed one hand on the bed to steady himself as he lifted his hips again into the other man’s touch, his abdominal muscles fluttering at the lightness of it. Duo glanced up, seeing the expression on his partner’s face and he couldn’t help but smirk, his eyes flashing with playful mischief as he carefully ran a finger down the length of Heero’s cock, causing the man to growl in irritation.  
“Duo,” He bit out, sending a shiver through the named man’s spine the same way it had the first time, though he tried not to let it show as he very gently trailed his fingertips back up the firm length of Heero’s erection, trailing precum along the shaft.  
“Yeah?” Duo responded, his voice gruff but teasing, the sly smirk firmly in place. “What is it?”  
“You know what it is,” Heero growled, reaching out and wrapping a hand around the taller man’s still clothed cock before Duo could pull away in an attempt to continue teasing him.   
Duo let out another long moan, giving a shallow thrust into Heero’s hand, the motion pushing the tip of his erection out of the opening in his boxers. “Fuck, Heero,” almost inadvertently he grabbed at the other man’s cock as well, feeling the slick hardness of it.   
“What is it,” Heero adopted a smirk of his own as he began working his hand up and down the length of Duo’s erection, pressing and flicking the head of the man’s cock with his thumb.  
“You fuck,” Was all he could get out, his head spinning from the sensation of having his erection effectively handled. “Shit, I ca-” Duo gasped and grabbed Heero’s wrist making him immediately let go of Duo’s erection. Before Heero could react, Duo slid back on the bed, grabbing at the jumpsuit and boxers still clothing the perfect soldier’s thighs and pulled them completely off, leaving Heero naked save for his socks. As if to retaliate, the other man quickly sat up, reaching for Duo’s boxers as well, hooking the fingers of one hand into the waistband and tugging down far enough that the other man’s erection bounced free, flicking a new bead of precum from its already sticky head.   
“Lay down, lover boy,” Duo breathed, placing a hand on Heero’s chest, fingers spread wide as he gently pushed at him, receiving a glare from the man, though he complied, his upper back pressed against the back of the curved wall. “You’re gonna make me come,” Duo confessed in a breathy mutter, eyes fixed on Heero’s cock. At this new angle, his face was aligned perfectly with it and he settled himself on one forearm between the thighs of the man that once broke into an OZ base with the intention of killing him. The memory did little to kill his arousal, if anything the irony only helped as he wrapped strong fingers around the base of Heero’s cock, careful to palm his balls with a light squeeze as he angled his head down to lick his partner’s erection from midshaft to tip and down again before sucking the entirety of Heero’s erection into his mouth, moving his hand to the man’s inner thigh, thumb gently pressed against Heero’s perineum.  
It wasn’t a sensation Heero had been prepared for, the heat of Duo’s mouth, the soft tongue and barest hint of teeth which quickly disappeared as the other man wrapped his lips more firmly around Heero’s erection, leaving him with just the wet hot mind-numbing pleasure of Duo’s mouth as his head bobbed up and down the length of his cock, tongue swirling around the crown as he came up, then sucking him back down again until he could feel the head of his penis press the back of Duo’s throat, felt the muscles clench around him and force him back out again. Heero was almost aware of something like a low moan in the room, and as Duo raised his head up again Heero realized they were both making that noise at such an accidentally perfect pitch that it rolled through his body and brought him so close to orgasm he could feel his balls weigh down with it.   
“Du-” Before he could even get out the second syllable Duo face was buried again in Heero’s pubic hair, his throat working against the head of Heero’s cock before relaxing and letting the last inch of his erection into the hot sheath of Duo’s throat. Reflexively, the other man yet again buried his hand in Duo’s hair, gripping the thick strands with more force that he had before and causing his partner to push back against the cock in his throat with a stifled moan. “I’m close,” Heero ground out, pressing his free hand down into the mattress, gripping a fistfull of sheets and letting out another long moan that turned guttural as he felt the wave of his orgasm surge.   
Duo responded by slipping his hand onto Heero’s hip, digging his fingers into the side of the man’s tensed ass, holding him so he couldn’t move his cock out of Duo’s throat as he felt the other man’s balls tense up, his cock pulsing as he unloaded a hot spray of come down his throat. Heero’s hand on the back of his skull tightened as he came, then loosened slowly as the man spent himself, his palm sticky with sweat and pulling on Duo’s hair as he removed his fingers from the mess of curls he’d made. Duo gave one last swallow when he felt Heero’s cock stop surging and then lifted his head, letting his partner’s softening erection go with one last suck.  
When he looked up, Heero was looking down at him, his eyes barely open and there was a sheet of sweat on his chest. Duo gave him a little grin, sitting up and placing both hands on the man’s thighs. He wanted to say something, wanted to tease the other man, thought briefly about mentioning Relena again but his head was still foggy with beer and lust and watching Heero catch his breath wasn’t helping him think straight. Not that he wanted to.   
Heero could practically hear Duo trying to formulate a joke about Relena when he started to grin, decided he didn’t care, that Duo currently had license to make as many dumb jokes as he wanted. But when all he got was silence marked with their shared heavy breathing Heero sat up a bit more so he wasn’t so awkwardly curved against the back wall of his bunk and began to crawl towards the other man, moving in for a kiss which Duo returned sloppily, his lips more swollen, his mouth bitter with Heero’s come.   
“It’s your turn,” Heero grunted, pressing a hand to Duo’s chest, clearly mocking the other man’s earlier gesture. “Take this off,” he pulled his partner’s tank top up with one hand, the other running up Duo’s thigh before wrapping around his cock, coaxing him back to a full erection.   
“Bossy,” Duo teased as he complied, pulling the top over his head and giving a little gasp as he felt Heero’s hand work him back to arousal. If he was this good with his hands then Duo was very curious to see what exactly Heero could do with his mouth. More than a little eager, the taller man lay back, found Heero’s pillow and slipped one arm under it so he could comfortably rest his head at an angle where he could watch the other man.   
Meticulous as ever, Heero took a moment to re-adjust himself in a similar position to the one Duo was in just a minute ago, carefully pressing at his thighs so that Duo spread them the way Heero had, making his cock strain up. Before he sunk down between the wiry musculature of the other man’s thighs he took in the sight of Duo lying on his bed, one hand resting on the mattress beside him, the other under the pillow, giving the long-haired man enough height to look Heero in the eye and smirk at him as he watched the other man’s gaze flick over his chest and abdomen, like he was reading every scar, the trail of hair that started an inch below his navel, the small tuft of chest hair just between his pecs.   
After a long moment of just Heero staring, Duo grabbed at his own erection, tugging at his lazily, his smirk growing as he saw Heero blush and open his mouth slightly, gaze locked on the act. “C’mon, Heero,” He almost purred, continuing to stroke himself, a fresh bead of precum budding from the tip of his cock. “It’s my turn, isn’t it?” Duo teased, enjoying how he could make the perfect soldier blush, make him curl just a bit into himself, eyes wide, lips parted.   
Finally, Heero recognized he was letting an opportunity slip past him and he pushed Duo’s hand away from his cock, replacing it with his own as he sunk down between the other man’s warm thighs, noting the lightly bitter saltiness of his erection, how firm and thick it was - at least it was thicker than Heero’s cock, and it pushed at the corners of his mouth, stretching it open and he tried to imitate what Duo had done earlier. But his mouth was a little dry and his lips stuck slightly to his teeth and he had to readjust his head so he came back up feeling unsatisfied with his own performance, working his tongue inside his mouth to wetten it more, free hand working Duo’s shaft as he did, getting a shallow hip thrust and a light groan in response. Heero slid a little bit further down the bed, curling one leg partially beneath him and letting the other hang off the side so he could better position himself and tried again to take Duo into his mouth, this time leading with his tongue. He fit as much of Duo’s cock into his mouth as he could, which, he was disappointed to notice, was only slightly more than half. Of course Duo seemed pleased, his thighs tensed at the sensation, as he let out another moan and a gentle “fuck”, raising his hips again so he pressed a little more into Heero’s mouth, making the man’s lips press deeper into his teeth as he tried his best to suck Duo down though he found he had very little control in this position.   
Duo had had his eyes closed as Heero worked away at his cock, but once the other man came up again, Duo opened his eyes to see Heero wearing a look of frustration. “You ok?” He asked, thinking back to when Heero admitted to only having had sex with Relena once. Had that been the only time he’d ever had sex? A sense of mild concern tugged at him.  
“You’re...really thick,” Heero still had a hand on Duo’s shaft as he half admitted to the man what his trouble was in a mutter. Before Duo could respond though, Heero was licking his lips and going back down again, this time swirling a hot wet tongue around his head before sucking Duo’s cock into his mouth, a sensation that made Duo close his eyes again and moan. Confidence restored, Heero worked his erection like that for a while, laving at the crown with his tongue as he came up and forcefully sucking as much of Duo’s cock as he could when he came back down, getting slightly more of it each time until he felt it press at the back of his throat. Heero angled forward, slipping his hands to Duo’s thin hips, holding him in place as he attempted to swallow Duo. But his throat wouldn’t give, and the thick head pressed against the nasal cavities in the roof of his mouth so he couldn’t breathe, so instead he opted for another strong suck as he pulled his head back and tried again, letting the speed of the mild vacuum he created around Duo’s cock pull him quickly down until his nose was buried in thick curls and he suddenly convulsed bodily as his gag reflex kicked in. Hot acid burned the back of his tongue, tears stung his eyes and he felt the other man pull away as he raised his head to gasp for air.  
As soon as Heero convulsed and let out a sort of “guk” noise Duo sat up, pulling away from him just a bit and leaned forward with a look of concern. “Woah, hey, careful,” He said in a rush, placing one hand on the other man’s shoulder. Heero’s eyes had a sheen of tears to them and he had one hand pressed to his mouth, a look of mild panic on his face. Duo noticed the tip of his cock burned ever so slightly and he looked down at it. Nothing looked out of the ordinary, but with so much spit it was really hard to tell, still he knew what had happened. “Ok, I’m...I’m gonna go get a wipe and some water,” Duo stood up and Heero didn’t move or react in any way, just pulled both legs underneath himself and sat on his heels, one hand still over his own mouth. “Hey, don’t worry, it’s not a big deal,” Duo placed a hand on his back and smoothed it down his spine. “It’s ok,” He said in what he hoped was a comforting tone before leaving the room.  
Heero removed his hand from his mouth once the door closed behind Duo. He gave an experimental swallow, feeling the burn of stomach acid in the back of his throat. He could feel his face burning as he thought about what he’d just done. This was not the sort of thing Heero ever imagined doing, it was such a unique mistake to him he couldn’t possibly see a decent resolution. Duo would never let him try that again, there was just no way.   
The door opened again and Duo walked back into the room carrying their water bottles from earlier. “Here, this should do you some good,” He said in his typical upbeat manner, handing Heero one of them before sitting down next to him and taking a swig of his own.  
“I’m so sorry,” Heero whispered, looking down at the bed in front of him, holding the bottle in both hands. His face was flush and Duo had to hold back a laugh.   
“It’s honestly not a big deal, Heero,” He said, adopting a patient tone similar to the one Heero had used on him previously. “Hey, look at me,” Duo reached out and put a curled index finger underneath Heero’s chin, gently pressing upwards. Heero lifted his head to look at the other man, his eyes no longer had the mild sheen to them but he looked so embarrassed it was hard for Duo to keep a straight face. “It’s fine, you didn’t do anything wrong,” He insisted in the same gentle tone.  
“I...puked on you,” Heero’s voice had a note of disbelief in it as he searched Duo’s expression for anything other than kindness. Surely there was something blatantly wrong with what had occurred. There had to be consequences.  
Duo just shrugged nonchalantly and gave him a small grin. “Yeah, but it happens, I mean, deep throating is hard, I’m surprised you went for it,”  
“You did it,”  
“Yeah well,” Duo removed his hand from under Heero’s chin and sat back. Heero couldn’t help but notice the other man had gone completely soft. Of course. “It takes practice, you’re making your body do something it thinks is dangerous, so you’re kinda fighting your own physiological response - and I know you’re good at that,” Duo added quickly, thinking back to when he first watched the perfect soldier reset his own bones. “You can do it, you just gotta relax, you can’t just plow forward the way you did, which I get, I did it the first time too,” He chuckled a bit at the memory.   
Heero listened mindfully, arching an eyebrow when Duo referenced his own history. “Oh?”  
“Yeah, it was…” Duo looked off to the side, clearly reminiscing and his smile faltered, his eyes grew dark and the humor disappeared from his expression. “It was a long time ago,” He finished in a murmur before taking another drink of water.  
Heero looked at him for a moment longer, brow slightly furrowed, but he decided it was best not to press the matter and instead took a long drink from his bottle of water as well. “I’ll relax next time,” He said quietly.  
“Yeah,” Duo looked back at Heero, the smirk returning to his lips. “I know you will,” He looked tired, not angry the way Heero anticipated, just tired.   
They sat like that for a while, Heero at the foot of the bed and Duo at the head, occasionally siping at their water. A new strain of silence settled between them, one that Heero felt was almost unbearable, sensed he was solely responsible for it and had no idea how to get rid of it. It struck him that this may have been what Duo felt when he’s said he had no idea where he stood with Heero and the thought twisted in his gut.


	4. Running in Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heero and Duo stumble awkwardly through a mine field of new emotions and old coping habits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey! So this chapter is kind of a beast, it took me a lot of edits and a lot of re-thinking how I want to display the intricacies of new relationships and all that. Also I’m doing my undergrad on the quarter system so that kinda take priority. If you don’t know the quarter system it’s 10 weeks of screaming, one week of breathing and then you do it all over again. Except during summer where you’re just tossed on the ennui pile and you get to re-inflate for several months.  
> A/N2: THANK YOU SFA you make me laugh with your editing notes and encourage me to focus on actual work. I’m so glad you contacted me all those months ago.  
> A/N3: Please! Comment! I love comments! They make me happy, they encourage me to keep going, I’m doing this predominantly for myself but it’s obviously for ya’ll as well or I’d just keep it in my notebooks.  
> A/N4: Oh jeez I made a tumblr: GodOfAllEyeTeeth because I thought it would be good to keep anyone who’s interested up to date on what’s going on story-wise, why I’m slowing down, all that stuff. Naked model gifs for “research”. Add me! Talk to me, send me dumb stuff, I love dumb stuff.

_Chapter 4_

“-should program bocce ball!” A cheerful woman finished exclaiming as Heero pressed the accept call button on the comm centre’s main vidscreen. She was young, around Heero and Duo’s age, with bright copper red hair and a light smattering of freckles across her aristocratic nose, which wrinkled when she smiled wide as she was currently. The woman was looking- presumably at someone- off screen but quickly looked back at the screen, and Heero was struck by how light green her eyes were, they were almost a sort of pastel mint shade. He briefly wondered if her family had practiced genetic engineering at some point in the past, but knew better than to think on it, it was a part of human history rife with controversy and no one appreciated being confronted about their family’s possible involvement in what was largely a temporary re-birth of eugenics. “Oh! Hail!” The bright eyed woman gave Heero the same open, smiling expression she had offered to her crew mate. “Engineering here, just letting you know we’re about twenty minutes out, we have your aft booster replacement and some extra provisions, looking forward to docking with you!” She announced in a cheery sing-song voice. A split second passed and a small look of surprise passed her face before she spoke up again. “Oh! This is Alice Rosalie with the engineering team, sorry! Nice to meet you!”  
“This is Heero Yuy, from the GL-X96, we will proceed with docking protocol in T-minus 15 minutes,” Duo couldn’t help but roll his eyes at his partner’s typical monotone response, he could almost hear a note of consternation in it, imagined the perfect soldier didn’t approve of how casual and chipper the woman was. With a smirk he leaned over in his seat beside Heero so his head was maybe an inch from the other man’s, noting how Heero tensed and nearly turned towards him but instead clenched his jaw and leaned away slightly so that now Duo was almost perfectly centered on the vidscreen.  
“Hey Alice! I was wondering if they’d put you on this job,” He said, almost matching the red headed woman’s cheeriness. It was Heero’s turn to roll his eyes. Of course Duo knew the seemingly only other chipper person at Preventer.  
“Hi Duo! Tent’s here too! We were just talking about trying to program bocce ball into the AR system we brought, it’s pretty cool, Tony helped us write the program for croquet,” Heero stood up and stepped away from the comm center, letting Duo take his seat as the long haired man chatted amicably with Alice and what was apparently a whole shipload of his friends coming to visit. The thought tugged at Heero, bothered him with a discomfort not unsimilar to the dread he felt after his botched attempt at deep throating when he was sure he’d pushed Duo away completely. They were going to have the two ships docked for a while during repairs, and that meant he and Duo would have to be mindful of how they acted around each other.  
When Duo logged off from the call he felt excited to finally have more company. Not that things were especially bad with Heero, but it had been weeks, and before they had discovered their mutual attraction it wasn’t the most eventful of missions either of them had been on. Not to mention that moment had been fairly isolated, seeing as once they had gone through that sleep cycle it was only a ten hour wait until the engineering crew arrived so they had both been busy with basic maintenance. But now a few people Duo knew from hanging out in the hangar, helping to repair or tune whatever was in the shop, were going to be around for a few days- maybe even a week, and the thought made the L2 native feel a little less stir crazy.  
“Hey, Heero!” He called out, getting up from the comm center and walking the short hallway to the docking station where, sure enough, he found his stoic partner triple checking everything even though they still had eight minutes or so before they had to start docking procedures. “You ever played croquet?” Duo asked, striding up beside him and leaning against the wall just beside the open panel the other agent was running a check on.  
“No, I’m not really interested in playing games,” Heero responded bluntly, resetting a few switches before closing the panel. As he stepped away Duo placed a hand on the shorter man’s shoulder and leveled a playful look of consternation at him, the left corner of his mouth lifted in a small smirk.  
“You’re not gonna be like this the whole time are ya, ‘Ro?” The taller man teased, standing up and placing his other hand on Heero’s other shoulder, gently encouraging his partner to face him. “C’mon, you and I both know you have more people skills than this, and they’re nice, plus, aren’t you glad there’s gonna be more going on here than boring ol’ mine sweeping for a bit? We get to check out a whole new ship and hang out with other people,” He smiled, taking his hands off his partner’s shoulders and placing them on his hips, noting how the other man didn’t meet his gaze, opting instead to look off to the side with a frown.  
“I was fine with this mission, I’m sorry if you’re bored,” Heero muttered almost inaudibly, turning away from Duo again. He knew the other man wasn’t trying to goad him but it was like Heero needed to find something wrong with everything Duo said, like the idea of more people was a threat to whatever it was Heero wanted to protect. On some level he seemed convinced that this engineering rendezvous was going to push his new lover away from him.  
“Hey,” Noting the serious tone of his voice, Heero looked at his fellow agent who was now wearing an expression of concern. Somehow that hurt even more than his insecure thoughts. Duo glance off to the side, his brow furrowed and he let out a sigh before locking eyes with the other man again with a look of determination. “I wanna figure this out too, but right now isn’t the time, ok?”  
Heero’s shoulders slumped a bit and he ran a hand over his face. “I know,” He sighed, looking almost tired. He closed his eyes and tried to re-center his thoughts on work, on what had to be done next. The sudden, soft press of lips on his own, Duo’s scent, the warmth of him swallowed up Heero’s thoughts and he opened his arms to the other man as they embraced, sharing a long, deep kiss before Duo stepped away, holding Heero at arms length with a smirk.  
“Much better,” The long haired man said happily before turning to look at the closed dock. “They should be here any minute,” Heero returned a small smile before nodding in agreement, his previous fears laid to rest as he concentrated on the lingering sensation of Duo’s lips on his, on the taste of him.  
~~  
The engineering ship was nearly double the size of the GL-X96 and a much more recent model, meaning it made the crew feel less like they were in the way of the ship’s insides and more like they were in a flying apartment. There was even faux wood-inset furniture built in to the dining/common room area. It wasn’t without its more pragmatic areas- it was predominantly outfitted to be a small moving repair shop. The majority of the ship wasn’t sectioned off the way Heero and Duo’s small shuttle was, rather the docking area had one bay door between it and a large, open workshop that had access panels covering most of the walls, floor and ceiling. Cleverly hidden tools and tables that pulled out of the walls, cabinets containing carefully organized special instruments meant for large-scale repairs and all-out custom creation of smaller machine parts. Each panel and cabinet-like door labeled and color coded in soft, calming hues, picked for their easily distinguished coloring and un-abrasive visual nature. The quiet and control exuded by the ergonomic interior of the engineering ship was intended to be accommodating, but teetered on eerie. The main hull of the ship was dedicated to living space, the repair area, a workout room, and a small greenhouse made for use on much longer trips. The rear of the ship was actually a unit addition, much like the trailer of a freighter truck, though it attached to the frame of the ship in such a way that it looked to always be a part of it, and it also connected to the system of the ship and carried its own engine so it could be piloted from the main body, ensuring it kept maneuverability. They were only used in specially cleared routes still, being unable to navigate areas thick with debris or left over space mines.  
The engineering team was just as amicable in person as they had been over the vidcom. Alice, the assistant tech, lead the introductions, exuberant and sincere, she seemed to have a particular gift for shining a light on people’s strengths and shared interests. Jedd, the head technician could have been called her exact opposite, tall, muscular and weathered they were a much quieter presence, though Heero noticed they made an effort not to look imposing. The slight limp in their walk and their pattern of speech hinted at a previous military career.  
Tent, science officer, who stood at much the same height as Jedd (almost 6’3”), was wiry and seemed to always wear an expression of surprise. Their attitude, though friendly, almost verged on skittish, but they quickly opened up when talking about the 3D printer they’d brought along. Makisha, the assistant engineer, was only slightly younger than Tent and Jedd. She had a sort of disaffected nature which Alice quickly explained as introversion, promising that the other woman would be perfectly amenable to working with everyone, but may not make too much small talk or socialize too much “she takes a long time to open up, so don’t take it personal” the redhead had promised Heero and Duo with a bright smile.  
Of course Tony, the head engineer needed no introduction. He came into the small shuttle with none of the awkwardness that Duo had remembered from their shower encounter and gave him a firm handshake, as well as a look that the long haired man would have dismissed out of hand if he didn’t know any better. Heero had offered the head engineer a greeting that, although subdued, was actually kinder than Duo had anticipated, but, the L2 native figured, they were close enough to talk shop occasionally. And, he couldn’t help but think, trying his best to keep a straight face as the two spoke briefly, for Tony to admit a few things to the stoic agent.  
Once introductions were done, all seven of them agreed it was time to start working. The engineering team was projecting they would only need to be there for about three or four work cycles and they were keen not to ‘overstay their welcome’ as Tony put it with a rakish smile he aimed predominantly at Duo.  
~~  
“You’re shit’s pre-war, it’s ancient and weird,” Jedd’s personality was uncannily similar to Heero’s, their deadpan tone and expression rivaled the perfect soldier’s own. Being on the receiving end of it felt weirdly accusatory, as if Heero had been in charge of picking out their transport for the mission and now had to answer for the crime of being in an old shuttle.  
“We know, Jedd,” Duo responded after a beat where Heero just stared at them, unsure of how to respond, and offered them a replacement wire for the booster frame they’d been working on before Heero had come in to ask for a status update so he could report back to HQ. Duo had warned Heero that Jedd could be a little unnerving at first, but assured his partner that they weren’t as humorless as they seemed. Being face-to-face with someone as straightforward and stoic as himself gave the ex-pilot some pause. Maybe being ‘to-the-point’ wasn’t the best way to maneuver most social interactions in non-life threatening situations. It was certainly something to consider, he thought, watching Duo roll his eyes good naturedly as he stood next to them.  
“I’ll let HQ know,” Heero said in a dry tone, quirking an eyebrow at Duo who shot him back a wry grin.  
“Ha!” Jedd turned towards Duo and grabbed the proffered item from his hands. It was a huge 3-foot bundle of wire encased in safety-orange rubber with capped ends about two inches in diameter. They turned back to their work and Duo stepped away, zipping his space suit back up as he got ready to leave the workshop again to help Tony and Tent re-set half of the frame they had fixed first.  
“I love antiques!” Tent called from the other end of the workshop where they were waiting to input the new measurements they’d gotten for the frame into the 3D printer. Alice stood beside them, re-checking the print head alignment before letting it run. She elbowed them as they both laughed a little at the declaration.  
“Hey, these things have a lot of history, I bet this shuttle was transporting goods when the gu-” Alice’s expression went from her typical bright slightly excited expression to wide-eyed concern as she looked at Heero and then Duo as her unfinished sentence lingered in the sudden silence.  
“I mean, we were a little more careful than that,” Duo’s joke cut through the tension before it could solidify and Alice visibly relaxed, offering him an apologetic smile to which the former terrorist responded with a charming little smirk.  
Work cycles went by easily enough, everyone having their assignments for the cycle settled in the first few minutes. Duo, Tony and Jedd, being the most practiced in the physical labor of refitting spent most of their time out at the empty booster frame, measuring, aligning and checking what parts they needed (the big issue being wire caps that were no longer in production had to be molded). Alice and Makisha worked on creating said parts on the 3D printer, taking the measurements the three came back with and recreating what was needed in prototypes that then had to be compared and adjusted, and Heero and Tent worked on the sections of the booster frame that connected the booster to the shuttle that had to be worked on inside the engineering ship.  
The frame sections sat in the center of the work space, giant arches of metal suspended by wires that came down from the ceiling and held it with robotic “claws”, multi-jointed hooks that could close around the diameter of the frame in complementary shapes, ensuring that it wasn’t warped by its own weight. When Heero had offered to work with Tent, they had excitedly pointed to the hooks and showed him how they closed like gentle, reverent hands around the frame. Through the hours Heero found that Tent often anthropomorphised tools, often referring to them as emotional projections. The “reverent claws” held the frame, the powertools “hounded the screws” and, Heero’s personal favorite, “these weird little metallic hairs like just freak out and stick to everything, then you solder them down until they just chill out and become one with the frame”. It was all curiously poetic, and the stoic L1 soldier found it appealing in a way he hadn’t expected. It added life to the hyper-detailed work they had to do, fixing and unwarping frame sections to perfect accuracy, making sure the hinged sections that allowed the booster to move were reshaped and smooth.  
Having such particular work to do meant there wasn’t too much talking between the four coworkers in the workspace, so when Duo, Tony and Jedd would come back in they brought with them a juxtaposition of social noise as they continued conversations they’d carried on outside while they either replaced or removed parts of the frame, measured, and occasionally removed debris from the meteor collision that hadn’t picked up enough momentum to flee the scene. Tiny pebbles, “things like a grain of sand,” Jedd had explained as the trio walked in from the dock once, “those are the tricky bastards, the ones that fuck everything up when they get moving”. Something about the statement rang symbolically true to the perfect soldier as he saw Tony and Duo converse, exchange jabs, learning to move around each other, becoming more and more comfortable.  
~~  
Makisha let Alice take her plate and empty water bottle away after dinner without much more acknowledgment than a nod. The redhead didn’t seem to mind, she wore a contented smile as she and Heero took on the task of cleaning up. Jedd and Tent were already gone, having eaten quickly in order to return to the engineering room to do another system check on the new booster. Tony had worked up Duo’s interest in the AR system during dinner and they had immediately stood to look at it once they finished eating. Tony had managed to install the interface in a customizable panel just beside the doorway to the ship’s sleeping quarters only a few feet from the communal area.  
Heero found himself glancing at the two men as he took his and Duo’s plates and drink cans to the trash area before Alice corrected him gently, pointing out that they had a sterilizer just behind where the trash and recycling shoots were. It was a whole prep area, unlike in their small ship that had the meal prep lining the walls around the table, this ship had something like an open kitchen-dining room in a house. It was like being on a luxury space cruise. As he placed the plates in the sanitizer Heero heard Duo laugh behind him and he looked over his shoulder to see Tony pointing at something inside an open panel that Heero couldn’t see.  
“Heero, have you played croquet before?” Alice asked him in a bright tone as they both stood at the island counter that had the recycling and trash shoot built into it. The island marked the only considerable divide in the room between the food prep area and the common area, where the wall on one side of it had the microwave, plate sanitizer and rehydrator embedded in it and the other wall was lined with cubbies and the lower half bubbled out into a sleek, curved couch with cushions that looked equal parts comfortable and sterile.  
“Not really,” Heero responded with disinterest as he looked around the room. All of the wires were mindfully tucked away, there were touch screens and motion scanners instead of toggles and switches like in the older models, and even then the predominant style was quiet, simple, ergonomic. It was made to keep work ‘out there’. He much preferred the wires and switches, the occasional metal replacement panel, it reminded him, at least vaguely, of being in a cockpit, in his element.  
Instead he felt a sense of loss as he watched Duo and Tony move around the dining room table, Tony pointing out a near-invisible line in it, explaining to the violet-eyed man beside him that it had a small hydraulic system and could compact to make space for other activities- it could completely sink into the floor or only part of it could be lowered, as the chief engineer now revealed, tapping a haptic button underneath the table so that two-thirds of it sunk into the floor at a leisurely pace, leaving only the end of the table that Makisha was occupying as she fiddled single-mindedly with a logic puzzle, completely unperturbed by the sudden loss of table space. Duo, on the other hand was clearly amused by the ingenuity and consideration of the piece. And Tony watched him with a tender sort of smile that Heero couldn’t help but feel himself bristle at.  
“Well, Tony plays like a weasel so why don’t we team up on him, yeah? Two-on-two?” Alice leaned close to Heero and whispered to him in a mock-conspiratorial tone that the stoic L1 spacer found a little endearing. She was trying to welcome him into their social space and it was appreciated. Without pulling his gaze from Tony, Heero nodded with a small ‘hn’ which seemed to appease Alice and they both finished sorting out the trash and recycling before reconvening with their coworkers.  
“Alright, ship against ship,” Tony said with a playful smirk, clapping his hands together as Heero came to stand beside Duo, with the braided man on his left and Alice on his right.  
“Actually I’ve conscripted Heero already,” The assistant tech said cheerily, placing a hand on her hip and giving the chief engineer a look of mock-haughtiness. “And we’re going to beat you,” She added for good measure.  
Tony let out a loud and easy laugh at his coworker’s declaration, beside him Duo chuckled, his eyes dancing with some of the competition Heero recognized from when the L2 pilot would challenge him to ‘games’ during missions they shared together. How it had been so unexpectedly appealing to be in competition with the other teenage terrorist, especially once he found Duo to be an excellent pilot. Now the odd lightness of the memory struggled with the jealousy in the perfect soldier’s gut as he noticed that Tony was receiving that look of playful mirth and the two of them were much more at ease around each other than Heero had ever felt around anyone. A small part of Heero’s brain pointed out that Tony had dimples, and somehow that made things worse.  
“You’re never gonna just let me win at something, are you, Alice?” Heero watched as Tony stepped over to the AR interface and tapped through a menu with one hand and brought up the map for the croquet court. A second later a full-length court appeared, clipping through Makisha’s left leg and the island at certain points, one wicket protruding from the the assistant engineer’s lower calf like some bizarre piercing, a sliver of wicket peeking out of one wall of the island. The court blinked and in a split second righted itself so it one end began on the furthest side of the table, between it and the couch and curved around the island so that from where the four Preventers stood (and Makisha sat) it disappeared.  
“Well that wouldn’t be fun, would it, ‘Tone Bone’?” Duo demurred, his blue-violet eyes dancing playfully as he watched the man beside him frown at the sound of his nickname.  
“Don’t call me that,” He groused, though the playful upturn of his lips betrayed the engineers true feelings as he ran a hand self-consciously through his dark curls. With an almost absent minded movement he brought the same hand down to a clenched fist at his hip and a mallet materialized in it, seeming to pierce through the center of his curled fingers. “Croquet mallet black,” his tone of voice was the particular flat declaration used to convey instructions to AI, and sure enough several black bands appeared around the top of the handle and the mallet head. Tony looked at Duo with an almost sheepish, lopsided grin and explained, “I’m always black,” before telling the AR system who the teams were as everyone else followed suit and called their own mallets. Heero and Alice decided to be blue, at Alice’s suggestion.  
As they played through their horseshoe-style court Alice explained all the rules and some terms to Duo and Heero while Tony filled them in on all the tricks they could play to undermine their opposition. Both ex-pilots found the blocking and sabotage tactics appealing, and caught on to the fact that this was the game beneath the rules quickly. On their second play through the game was much more infused with subterfuge as the two young men learned how to bounce, rocket and knock one another off court.  
Croquet, Heero concluded, was an ok game. He understood why it had lasted in human memory for so long, it was simple and allowed for a lot of foul play, which, in his experience, was something human beings seemed to thrive on. The last part of his conclusion had a somewhat bitter note to it as he watched Tony place his foot on both croquet balls, and was now calmly measuring a shot to the black one that, when he landed it, shot the blue orb rocketing off towards the couch where it faithfully responded to the physical parameters and ‘bumped’ against the wall beside the piece of furniture and rolled back towards the court, stopping just inches from a wicket Alice had already passed it through several shots ago.  
“Oh my god, Tony we will be here all night,” The assistant tech groaned, her shoulders dropping as she let her head hang back, a look of mild exhaustion on her face. She gave Heero a side glance to gauge his reaction, noting that he was staring at their ball with a look of consternation, lips tight as he looked from it to the curve of the court around the island.  
“Maybe not, but only because they’re going to win again,” The stoic agent concluded, a hint of annoyance in his voice. He couldn’t help but notice as Tony threw an arm around Duo’s shoulders at his words and the pair of them exchanged grins.  
“Well then maybe we should call it a night,” Duo joked, stepping up to the black ball and knocking it towards a center wicket, the ball just passing through it and coming to rest barely half an inch past the little iron-looking frame.  
“Aw, don’t say that, you never know, they could come up with some crazy ploy to get…” Tony made a point of physically counting the wickets that lay between the two teams. “one...two...three goals all in one shot,” he laughed a little. “Crazier things have happened,”  
Crazier things did not happen that night. When Heero and Alice finally made up their third goal, Tony graciously offered the chestnut haired L2 pilot his own shot at the winning wicket and with great, mock aplomb the two won. Amidst their small celebration, consisting of a high five and Tony very pointedly adding the game to his running tally of which games he had won against Alice during their trip Heero felt like something was sinking into his stomach. Watching Tony pull out four beers from the fridge and offering them all a nightcap as Makisha stepped out of the room with a murmured ‘goodnight’, the perfect soldier suddenly felt a special sort of exhausted. He was done playing, he was done being on the ship, he was bitterly done watching Tony and Duo get closer and closer in such a natural way that it reminded Heero he wasn’t like them. With a shake of his head, Heero rejected his coworker’s offer and excused himself back onto the other ship.  
Duo watched the change come over his partner, how his eyes grew dark and his lids lowered and it stung him with the realization that Heero was struggling with this new aspect of their relationship. He couldn’t pull away from the situation though, as he gladly accepted the glass bottle the chief engineer held out to him, but he watched with some concern as Heero headed out of the common room. Still, he thought with some guilt, he couldn’t chase after the other man, it would raise questions. He let Tony remove the cap on his beer and cheersed with the other two Preventers.  
~~  
“Heero?” There was no response, just the background hum of electronics buzzing through the small shuttle as Duo walked through the docking area, into the hallways. The door to the exercise room was open and he found Heero silently doing bench presses on the bench under the weight cage in the far left corner of the moderately small room. It looked like the weight room at a mid-ranking hotel mixed with the aesthetics of a hospital room, clean white walls with little paneling and gym equipment bolted to the floor and walls where appropriate. The other man was facing away from him so Duo stepped into the room with purpose, knowing that Heero had probably heard him and came up on his partner’s right side, staying clear of the barbell as it rose and fell. “Hey, you alright?” The former god of death couldn’t help but let some concern come through in his voice as he looked down at the other man. Heero’s expression was blank, focused only on the task at hand, he made no indication that he even knew Duo was in his line of sight until he completed his set and placed the barbell back on the rack.  
“I’m fine,” Duo couldn’t help but snort at the curt response and moved to sit on the bench where Heero’s head had been when his partner sat up.  
“You don’t have to lie to me, ‘Ro,” The taller man tried to make his voice gentle, he watched as his silent partner stood up and began pulling the weights off the bar, organizing them on the pegs and clipping them into place. Nothing worse than having a bunch of weighted plates floating into sensitive machinery during a gravity engine malfunction. “I could see you getting upset at the end of the game,” Duo pressed when Heero refused to answer him.  
“I’m a bad loser,” He responded flatly, not looking at the other man.  
“Aside from that though, I mean, you’re friends with Tony, you know how he is,” Duo could see his attempt at humor fall flat as Heero’s shoulders visibly tensed at his words.  
“He’s our coworker,” The dark eyed man stated in what would have been a monotone if it weren’t for the defensive edge to his voice.  
At that Duo let out a frustrated sigh and stood up, placing himself in Heero’s direct line of sight and forcing him to make eye contact. “Stop it,”  
“He’s nice, he’s smart, you get along with him, and with Alice and with Tent and Jedd and everyone you meet,” Heero looked past Duo before stepping around him and walking to the doorway. “I don’t,” The hint of defeat in his voice made Duo’s stomach drop as he watched the shorter man disappear around the corner, his messy hair almost hiding the hurt look in his eyes. Duo turned the idea over in his head, teeth worrying his lower lip as he thought on what seemed wrong with Heero’s statement. There was a whole world of things he could think of but couldn’t quite put words to, and he could understand how the other man felt that way. He thought back to their second game of the night and a few things clicked in his head. With a small rush of adrenaline, Duo strode out of the small gym and rounded the corner only to find Heero was already in his bunk, the keypad on his door showing a small red light. Locked.  
“Hey!” The former god of death shouted at the locked door and rapped the cold metal with the back of his fist. “That’s not fair, Heero, Alice has been trying to get you to open up all night, and Tony might be flirty but he was definitely happy to see you, this isn’t a one-way street y’know, you gotta be a little more friendly with people sometimes, hell that’s all I’m doing, it’s just-” The door unlocked with a small beep and opened putting Heero and Duo face-to-face at the doorway, the shorter L1 colonist glaring up at the slightly taller L2 native.  
“I know,” Heero bit out, crossing his arms over his chest, deep blue eyes boring into Duo’s indigo ones. “I get it, stop reminding me that I’m terrible at this,” He nearly growled out, a small flush coming across his face.  
“I- I didn’t mean it like...Heero, c’mon,” Duo reached a hand out and placed it on his partner’s upper arm, his expression full of genuine concern. It was a look the other man had no idea how to respond to, so instead he cast his eyes down and stepped away from the taller man, his arms falling to his sides as he went to sit on foot of his bed.  
“I can’t talk to people the way you do, I get it, and I can see people trying their best with me but it-” He gave a small, frustrated sigh, shook his head a little, “it doesn’t make sense in the moment, small talk just comes off as annoying, that whole game was just annoying, I didn’t want any of it, I just wanted to come back here…” His voice trailed off and he looked almost helplessly at Duo for a second before scowling at the floor in front of him.  
“Heero…” Duo sighed and stepped into the room, sitting down next to the shorter man, their shoulders bumping together. “I get it, it’s fine, I just…” He scratched at the back of his head, trying to figure out what to say next, how to express his understanding, his desire for Heero to see he wasn’t unwelcome. “I’m sorry, I know this isn’t your thing, socializing,” He leaned against the other man gently, trying to coax him out of his shell. “I was glad you stayed though,” Duo’s voice was barely more than a whisper and he smiled when Heero lifted his head to look him in the eye, his gaze searching.  
“I feel like an idiot,” Heero’s voice was just a murmur, he sounded so tired.  
“Welcome to the club,” Duo smirked before leaning in and stealing a kiss.  
~~  
It was enough, just then, to let Heero offer a small smile, hug Duo and watch him leave for his own bunk, leaving him to shed his boots, jumpsuit, undershirt, thinking as long as Duo wanted him things were good. In the dark, in his bunk, Heero’s thoughts slipped away from the temporary euphoria of the interaction and he found himself touching his lips with the tips of his fingers as a greedy ache welled up in his chest turning the space around him into a tangible litote. It was the absence of touch, of blue-violet eyes and warm breath. The words “I was glad you stayed” already a promise that the feeling was past tense.  
Duo never promised anything, and Heero understood why; it made no sense to for either of them to plan ahead when most of their lives had been less lived and more survived. But the fact that he couldn’t touch or expect to be wanted by the other former pilot, that they couldn’t place a definition on their relationship, that they had to hide it, even if it never developed, even if Heero woke up the next day and was greeted by a Duo who chose to ignore the whole thing (and that very really possibility of abandonment caused his heart to lurch and skip horribly in his throat) almost made him sick. Almost made him sit up, almost made him walk the length of the common space to stand at the other man’s door. Almost, but the desire to do so was tightly constricted by the thought of pushing him away. It froze him in place as the feeling crept around under his skin, re-shaping his body, curling it in as if to try and touch itself as much as possible. Was this what his therapist meant by ‘touch starved’. She had suggested it was a potential reaction to years of isolation strictly defined by not making relationships. His heart jumping into his throat as Heero thought of being rejected and settling again at the promising memories of kindness, being held, being able to kiss back. The whole silent ordeal ran through him over and over until finally, at some unknown hour, he was too exhausted to stay awake and drifted off to a fitful sleep.  
~~  
With a small sigh, Duo left Heero’s bunk, the door closing behind him, and went over to the com center to check the systems. Sure enough, he noticed with a small, tired, half-smile, Heero had already run checks for the night. He thought briefly about going back to the other ship where everyone would probably still be winding down for the night, but he felt odd about it. He’d already said goodnight and now the openness of the moment was restless. Having stepped away from everyone for the time being, his escape secured - that valued exit -suddenly felt different. There was a genuine expectation of ‘tomorrow’, of re-establishing ties. Now he was only pushing away the future on his own, and it was clear no one else was thinking of tomorrow as uncertain and therefore unrestricted by routine and relationships.  
As the former terrorist mulled over his thoughts he walked through the shuttle, idly placing a hand on an unpainted metal panel or a piece of equipment, tracing the labels on inset cabinet doors. What do you do when you have to plan without an immediate goal? To think about the future? When staying in one place is not just a real option, but expected? What could he offer to Heero when he knew the other man wanted more from him than he knew how to give? What did he want from Heero?  
The last question found Duo back in front of Heero’s door, unconsciously worrying his lower lip with his teeth as he stared at the door frame. The lock with the green light gently glowing on it. He could breach goodnight, he could fit in Heero’s bunk, he could want that. He did want that. Duo paused at the thought of giving in to the feeling, of beyond touching, of how he had told Heero he wanted to figure things out. He thought about how it had contented the other man to hear that, how it meant now he needed to figure things out. About how he couldn’t, about how he balked at every definition he could think to put on what they were doing. About how every expectation each term brought with it weighed down on him, made him react viscerally with the desire to run. And the feeling of needing to run also scaring him, it was too much, he had too much to run from, to stay for. He was shaking, thinking about the future coming up behind him like a wave, fast, inescapable, inevitable. If it wasn’t Heero it would be someone else (Tony came to mind) and someone else and someone else and someone else and they wouldn’t all be like Hilde who had almost simultaneously felt the need to take a step back, get forced away from him by the war, then come back only just enough to be friends. He hadn’t thought specifically about Solo in years, but the fear of that level of loss ran up his spine, got in his lungs, his teeth pressed into the softness of his tongue and he raised a hand to just graze Heero’s door. Just barely heard himself whisper “Heero,” to how closed it was, how just-far-away-enough he was.  
“Heero?” He called out again, as if to ask the door every question on his mind in just two syllables. The door didn’t respond and Duo found himself unable to open it. After a moment he forced himself, still shaking slightly, to step away. Running floated up from the tumult of his thoughts, the sea of anxiety offering up the word like an explanation and solution. Duo latched onto it, re-defining it on the spot as he walked to the small shuttle gym and looked at the treadmill. I can run, he thought, I can run, I don’t have to leave. Within ten minutes he was changed into workout clothes -black trainers and shorts and an old grey tank top- and he began to run. He started slow, focused on his form, his breathing, kept a steady pace until his thoughts cleared and questions suddenly turned to him in unravelable dimensions he could answer, could almost watch them unwind.  
The movement of running in and of itself became the platform of solution. Rather than the idea of getting away, Duo found himself working on the ideas of ‘giving’ versus ‘taking’, of desire for touch and the fear of promising himself to anyone became recognition, became a form of acceptance that ran with him. In the back and forth motion of his arms, the burning muscles of his thighs. The sensation-laden memory of his first kiss with Heero became the fire in his lungs, the erratic beating of his braid on his back as it swung behind him. This was the ‘Duo’, the two of his identity, the acceptance of loss, the carrying of respect for the ones he chose to survive with - the ones he now needed to live with. The runner’s high eased him slowly out of his vicious cycle of fear and into a new mindset of determination. In his sinew he could hold it, in the push and pull of muscle, in constant motion he could live. He could run. He didn’t have to leave.  
~~  
The work cycles slipped by at a steady pace after that night. By the end of the engineering mission, Heero found himself remembering Tony as a friend and treating him as such. More importantly, he recognized the face, the overly suave, playful demeanor, the chief engineer was putting on for Duo. The tension faded from Heero’s interactions with the crew and soon the wild haired agent was responding more openly to Alice’s invitations to interact, the jokes that Tony, Duo and Jedd brought into the workshop with them. He became, as it was, part of the group and found, to his surprise, that Duo was right, it was a two-way street, and he had no trouble walking it.  
Their last meal together was actually pleasant enough to be tinged with a bit of sadness that at the beginning of the next work cycle the engineering ship would be gone. At the end of the night, Heero challenged Tony and Alice to a ship-against-ship game of croquet and, using everything that the assistant tech and chief engineer had taught them, the two Preventer Agents had beat them soundly. A few celebratory beers later had found the two smiling as they went back to their small shuttle. When they were safely passed the docking bay, Duo had slipped an arm around the other man’s waist and Heero found himself thinking it marked a turning point.  
~~  
Highs only last so long, of course. Soon enough, the muscle twitch responses were back and Duo knew they dug at Heero. He tried his best to fight it, but his initial reactions were laying a clear groundwork. Part of him wondered, knots of dread twisting in his belly, if it was because he simply couldn’t let anyone in, not even Heero. Duo hated to think how his fears would manifest when they got back to Brussels. He started running more, after every work cycle, he started trying to reach out more, when there was time, when he found he wanted to.  
~~  
It was like dealing with a partially feral animal, Heero thought with some hurt. He had to be careful as they went about their duties on the shuttle, checking systems, passing each other in doorways. Heero had taken Odin’s words to heart; he followed his emotions. And his emotions told him that when Duo was nearby, when there was no other priority, he should reach out to the other man, touch his hand or tuck an errant strand of hair behind his ear. But when he followed those little, innocuous thoughts- or at least he thought they were innocuous- he usually found that Duo flinched or started. And it hurt, of course it hurt, and the hurt mixed with his desire to be close to his partner and told Heero he was wrong for wanting. The doubt twisted around inside him, and it made everything surrounding what he and Duo had or did or...he didn’t know, but it made everything murky and strange in a way Heero almost hated but mostly just feared. It made Duo far away, like a Sisyphean task, he wanted to get closer to the L2 native, but almost every attempt pushed him further away.  
So Heero was left to stoically wallow in his new-found uncertainty until Duo came close of his own volition, with a smirk or a hand gently placed on his shoulder and dispeled, for a while, Heero’s insecurity. Aside from those small moments where Duo silently acknowledged their shared interest in being closer, at least physically, there was their new routine. Heero found that the other man never flinched away from him after dinner, after a beer. Heero could place his hand on Duo’s shoulder as he passed near his coworker while cleaning up and the taller man would react by placing his own hand on Heero’s. Maybe even he would smoothly bring the perfect soldier’s fingers towards his mouth and lick at the tip of his index finger, causing the sweet, warm sensation of arousal to pool up in Heero’s belly and lead them both to one bunk or the other.  
These two forms of interaction caught Heero in a dumb state when it came to confronting his partner, they did so little speaking now that they had this new form of interaction to explore that Heero almost felt it rude to interrupt everything and break the silence just to ask “what are we now?” or to bring up what protocol they should go through. Though he never thought it would apply to him, the perfect soldier had made himself acquainted with the Preventer code of conduct surrounding coworker relationships and knew it was required that he and Duo inform HR of their affair, regardless of whether or not it was one or two nights of ‘intimate interactions of a sexual nature’ or a proper, well-communicated relationship. But the thought of bringing any of that up never occurred during work when they both slipped so perfectly into platonic roles and when Duo touched Heero the idea of pushing him away with the term ‘HR’ was deeply unappealing to Heero. Eventually, he felt, it would be too much. So he lived for several work cycles with a new tenor of uncertainty painting the silence they made.  
At least until Heero couldn’t mask his discomfort anymore. It got to the point where the thrill of having sex became familiar enough that it didn't push out reality anymore, and even though he responded to, and even still wanted, every advance Duo made, the sex alone wasn't enough. The taller man noticed quickly enough his partner's mild reticence, when they moved from the table to Heero's bunk one night the downcast look that crossed the quiet soldier's face gave Duo pause and instead of guiding them both with lust and abandon to the bed he stopped, placed a hand on the other man's where it hung by his side and looked him in the eye. Heero's expression shifted subtly between confusion and mild anxiety at the action, but he held Duo's gaze, noting the look of genuine concern as he slipped his hand into his partner's.  
“You ok?” Duo asked quietly, though he was sure he knew the answer.  
Heero didn't answer immediately, he looked off to the side, despondent, his brow slightly furrowed. “We need to figure this out,” the response was almost a murmur but Duo heard him well enough, and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other awkwardly, not knowing how to respond.  
It wasn't a subject they could avoid forever, the former god of death knew it, though he had hoped they could put it off longer. At least until they returned to Earth. “Protocol,” He sighed, taking the one small step back necessary to bump his legs against the edge of Heero's bed. Without letting go of his partner's hand, Duo sat down on the mattress gently tugging the shorter man down with him. Heero complied, sitting down next to his lover, a man he'd never thought he'd even be this close to.  
“It's in place for a reason,” He responded softly, as he rubbed the pad of his thumb absentmindedly over the softer skin on the back of Duo’s hand, just a small back and forth stroke. Their clasped hands rested on Heero's thigh, and he shifted his to entwine their fingers. An act Duo responded to by giving a small squeeze. “It's a talk with Une, a report, we'll probably never be assigned to field missions in the same team again,” He listed in a voice closer to his usual monotone, though there was a slight hint of regret in the last few words.  
Duo untangled their fingers and shifted on the bed, not looking at Heero as he brought one long leg up and tucked it underneath himself, shoulders hunching in a bit as the L2 orphan placed his hands on his thighs. “I don't see why they have to know,” He finally muttered, a distinct tone of bitterness in his voice as he scowled at the ground. “We're not fucking on the job, not endangering anyone, hell, this is just a shitty cleanup task, stupid busy work to keep us out of the field for a bit because Une thinks we both need a break, like she knows,” He groused, letting out a little ‘hmpf’ that Heero couldn't help but smile at, just the slightest upturn of the corners of his mouth, nearly imperceptible.  
“We might get fired if she finds out some other way,” He reasoned, leaning a shoulder against the other man's in an imitation of how Duo tried to comfort him the first time they had stumbled into his bunk. He hoped it did as much to comfort his partner now as it had helped him then.  
“Maybe,” Duo conceded, looking over their touching shoulders at the steady but surprisingly warm gaze of his partner. He could swear Heero almost looked like he was smiling, and he was certainly more relaxed than he had been just a few moments ago, more relaxed than Duo felt now anyway. “Who says she’s gonna find out though,” He smirked, twisting his body so he was facing the other man and they kissed the same awkward way they had before. Or at least the angle was just as awkward, but the gesture was familiar, and Heero opened his mouth to the press of Duo’s lips readily, their tongues meeting and twining before Duo sucked on his lower lip, causing the stoic pilot to sigh out a breath of air as they both shifted to better face each other.  
It happened quickly, now that they knew how to move together, Duo always took the lead and Heero always responded, shifting them both from his position beneath the taller man, one hand automatically going to the base of Duo’s skull to pull at the thick hair there where his braid was loose, his other hand sliding down the muscles of his partner's back, stopping to squeeze greedily at his ass before slipping to the front of Duo’s jumpsuit to massage the growing erection.  
At the same time Heero groped and pulled at him, the taller man moaned and ground his hips against his partner, running his own hands down the slighter man’s frame, quickly unzipping the standard issue jumpsuit he wore to get to Heero’s skin, planting kisses and nips on his neck, collarbone, a flick of the tongue over a small taught nipple causing the stoic facade to melt away with a small moan as he arched into the feeling of Duo’s mouth, the heat mapping every erogenous zone the man had taken note of from their previous forays. It was a balancing act, for Heero the sensation of having Duo on top of him, grinding their erections against each other, the feeling of teeth on skin making his stomach shudder with every little surprise as their arousal grew, all melded together with the hurt he couldn’t ignore from the moments when his partner didn’t seem to even know he was there, flinched away from him, when fear or defensiveness was his first response. And the still level part of the perfect soldier’s mind that knew this was a distraction tactic, that Duo’s steady path towards Heero’s now exposed cock was how the former terrorist intended to create distance, it was the god of death using the perfect soldier’s body as an escape route.  
The dissonance between the fact of what Duo was doing and what Heero wanted for both of them peaked in Heero and he grabbed at the other man’s braid just as Duo opened his mouth over his erection, already weeping a small line of precum from the tip. Heero wrapped the braid swiftly around his fist, forcing Duo’s neck into a slightly painful position, pressed back so he was looking Heero in the eye as the short man curled his upper body forward enough to look down at him, the same hungry look in his eye that had terrified Duo just a few cycles ago.  
It took everything Heero had to stop his lover from going down on him, to break from his own desire to feel the heat of Duo’s mouth, his throat constricting around the head of his cock, and to just focus on what needed to be done, what they should have done before their first kiss. “Duo,” Heero growled, just a bit angrier than he intended, and he almost regretted it when he saw a flash of genuine fear cross his lover’s face. The look shot regret through his guts and he immediately released his grip on Duo’s braid, opting instead to sit up properly, moving the offending hand to the taller man’s chin, his thumb resting on the other’s flushed lower lip.  
~~ ~~ ~~  
It came as a surprise to Heero and Duo both that Heero’s confrontation hadn’t stopped them from fucking. In fact, once Duo conceded that they should talk about what they were doing, not because of HR but because maybe he also needed to figure out what was going on, maybe they had something together, Heero’s demeanor had shifted once again to what it had been the time he’d demanded Duo fuck his throat. All the strength of his desire focused on trying to please his lover in any way he could, in finding new ways to bring both of them to orgasm. And he also seemed to come to an understanding that in order for actual communication to happen between them, Duo needed some emotional space. And orgasmic release afforded him that. When both their brains were flooded with oxytocin, endorphins and serotonin they found that the were more willing to touch on what they liked about one another, and Duo was able to concede he would be interested in pursuing a relationship when they were dirtside again. But he needed Heero to understand there was a lot that he couldn’t do, that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to give him.  
Heero, in these moments where things were saccharine with post-coital exhaustion, thought he understood, that he knew this was just a phase they could work through. He agreed to give Duo time before they went to Une or HR with an admission of sexual congress and worked out the bureaucratic kinks of their entanglement. It almost made him look forward to touching down again, to seeing what sort of life he and Duo could make, though he didn’t admit it to his lover. On some level he still understood that those ideas were like a snare trap in the man’s head and he would fight against them the same as any caught animal.  
~~ ~~ ~~  
Once they landed in the Preventer hangar Heero began the work of calculating physical intimacy, and it weighed on him like the reassertion of gravity, gradual and inescapable. There was a distance he had to keep between himself and Duo, who was now both a coworker and a secret he didn’t believe in keeping. But the talks they had had on the shuttle readied him for a short term denial of the truth. Not that it made it any easier to watch Duo use the situation to slip away into himself in ways Heero recognized with some hurt, the aloof smirk, the way he avoided anything more than a few seconds of eye contact, how his posture and walking always kept Heero just slightly behind him and off to the side.  
Duo recognized it too, he could almost feel Heero walking maybe a half step behind him and a foot off to his right, the distance between them giving the false air of a neutral relationship, but the knowledge of exactly where the other man was in relation to him was like a sort of heat. It burned him, made him walk a little bit faster, made him aware of how little he was interacting with the man he had just spent nearly three weeks with, a man he now knew liked being rimmed, who he had taught to deepthroat. When they stopped in front of Une’s office Duo had to tense his quads several times to redirect blood flow before they stepped in. Even though Heero was more than a comfortable distance behind him, he felt the other man like hot breath on his neck still.  
~~  
“Hey you two! Welcome back!” Hilde’s smiling face snapped Duo out of his reverie and he returned the expression, slipping into his usual outgoing, charming persona without hesitation.  
“Hilde! Hey, thanks for the beer, made all the difference out there,” He laughed, going in for a hug, their embrace familial. There had been a time when they’d attempted a relationship, back when they’d just met and Operation Meteor had gone pear shaped, leaving Duo in the lurch. But it didn’t last, and neither of them really regretted the attempt. In the end, Hilde had found that she much preferred women and Duo was happy they were friends still.  
“Glad to hear it, hey Heero!” Hilde turned her attention to the man standing beside Duo and he offered her a small smile. It was something that had taken Duo some time to get used to, watching Heero interact ‘normally’ with other people. The first time he’d seen the perfect soldier smile he’d been briefly scared that he was witnessing another case of amnesia.  
The two men had just finished what was probably their shortest and most publicized debrief with Une. When they arrived at her office she had introduced them to a very quiet, kind-eyed young woman in a black pantsuit and light blue chiffon blouse who worked for the De Standaard newspaper doing fluff pieces about environmental projects. Une made it very clear to the woman that they were “doing what was best for all peoples on all fronts” and Duo had to practically bite his own tongue to keep from making an awful pun on Preventer to make fun of just how ridiculously PR-friendly she was being. It wasn’t Une’s fault they needed to play political games to continue getting funding, and if he wanted to keep working with cherry-picked teams, Duo knew better than to rub her face in it.  
As annoying as it was to have been taken of the field and forced to do what amounted to fodder for PR for two months, not having to report civilian casualties was a nice change. And now they had a week of leave to get ‘readjusted’, which really meant ‘just take a fucking break already’. Of course, now that they were officially on leave Duo felt a knot forming in his gut as he walked together with Heero through HQ, unable to look the other man in the face as the need to escape crawled under his skin.  
“-to get the fuselage wires, so if you guys are bored I’m sure Une would only narrow her eyes a little bit if you felt like helping out with that. I mean...if you don’t have any plans to actually enjoy your leave,” Duo zoned back into the conversation the three of them were apparently having while they walked out to the front lobby.  
“Oh, uh, yeah that’s great Hilde, thanks maybe we will,” Heero quirked a brow at Duo and Hilde rolled her eyes at his response.  
“Ok, I’m going back to the garage, good to see you two!” Hilde broke away at the bank of elevators with an enthusiastic wave and was gone.  
“You feeling alright?” Heero asked in his typical monotone, the expression on his face unreadable. Except Duo could read it, and he knew Heero was picking up on his discomfort, his fear. It was in the tight set of his shoulders, the way he kept turning his feet towards the doors as if readying for escape.  
“Yeah, y’know, just gotta ‘readjust’,” He tried to joke, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet, hands shoved in his pockets. They were back in their civilian clothes, Duo in dark grey jeans, a black t-shirt and a black sports coat with red piping and some well broken in Docs. He still wore Helen’s cross, now on a Gundanium chain but he kept it tucked out of sight, the weight of it comfortable against his chest. Heero’s civilian dress had evolved over the years to look like he just picked outfits verbatim out of the most normal clothing catalogues he could find, which meant today he was wearing light blue jeans, a white cotton shirt and a navy blue windbreaker. He’d even traded in his weird, mustard yellow sneakers for a more normal white pair. If he stood still enough, Duo had thought once, he could be mistaken for a mannequin.  
Heero shrugged his shoulders at Duo’s blatant deflection and turned away from the other man. “I can’t force you, I know you need space,” He said it just low enough so only Duo could hear him, and suddenly the taller man felt like he’d swallowed an anchor as he watched his once again perfectly stoic partner leave the double glass doors of the lobby and walk out of sight.  
“Heero…”  
~~ ~~ ~~  
He could feel himself shaking, his mind was rioting even though outwardly Heero was perfectly calm, walking one of his usual routes to his prefered train stop. Why he had acted so harshly towards Duo he had no clue. But that wasn’t right, he did know, he knew he was hurt and it made him so angry to be hurt, but it wasn’t the same anger Heero was used to. Being angry that a mission had gone wrong, that civilians had died, that the colonies had turned their backs on the Gundams when the five of them were putting their lives on the line for them, those were recognizable types of anger he’d experienced in his life. But this unruly knot of rage twisting around in his guts was something Heero had never learned to deal with, could not hone into a focused point of energy to help him with the task at hand. And that was probably because there was no task, there was no mission, no clear cut target or goal. So he had, in his own way, lashed out at Duo and broken away from the scene, going into autopilot and heading to his apartment.  
As he took a seat on the train Heero worked on calming down, he steadied his breathing and tried to enjoy watching the scenery slip past as the train sped along the tracks. As soon as he started to feel more like himself and was able to stop shaking, Heero’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He checked it immediately, his mind leaping to thoughts of Duo apologizing, saying he was going to come to his apartment and they could talk. Skipping ahead to the next morning when they would wake up together.  
It was Une, thanking Heero and Duo for their cooperation with the ‘interview’ they had had less than an hour before, promising them a link to the piece when it was published. He felt like breaking his phone, but opted to turn it off instead. Why on earth Commander Une thought he’d want to read about some fluff piece he’d been pointlessly interviewed for was beyond the perfect soldier. He was surprised by how affronted he felt by the simple message, it was nothing, he’d known it was just a PR job when Une had assigned him and Duo to the task, and yet Heero felt like she was telling him useless information during a moment of crisis that was clearly bigger than some article interview. With a sigh, Heero closed his eyes and went back to focusing on his breathing until his stop was announced.  
~~ ~~ ~~  
“Alright, Duo! Back so soon?” Hilde called out, waving at her friend as he walked towards her in the loading bay of the garage. He approached her with a mildly sheepish grin, shrugging his shoulders.  
“I couldn’t stand the thought of ya’ll working so hard without me on this hunk-a-junk that got dinged up on my watch,” He joked, going in for a hug.  
“Oh, well that’s very kind of you,” Hilde gave a little laugh, returning the hug. “But actually, we’re finishing up for the day, the parts we need haven’t come in yet, I thought I mentioned that when I caught you guys outside of the offices?” She looped her arm smoothly around her friend’s and casually steered him back towards the entrance of the hangar.  
“I- uh yeah, you’re right, guess I wasn’t listening,” Duo admitted, allowing Hilde to lead him as he let out a laugh of his own, scratching the back of his head with his free hand.  
She didn’t say anything, but Duo knew she sensed something was up when she regarded him with slightly narrowed eyes and her nose just slightly scrunched. She always gave him that look when she knew he was avoiding something. “Uh-huh, well, c’mon, there’s something else you can help me with,” Hilde said, pulling on his arm a bit more.  
“Oh yeah?” Duo gave her a curious smile. “What is it?”  
“You just got back from space,” Hilde informed him, her eyes glinting mischievously. “That means we have to go have fun,” Duo almost winced at that, remembering the first time she had suggested they go do something fun.  
~~ ~~ ~~  
Heero’s apartment was already spotless, but after he unpacked what was barely half a duffel bag of the personal belongings he had taken with him on the cleaning shuttle, he scrubbed down every surface he could scrub, swept and re-organized everything else. And when he was done the hollow, angry feeling was more present than ever. It was part of the walls now, in the carpet, in the way he’d re-organized, and Heero was standing in the middle of it. He needed to get out of his own head.  
Heero pulled his phone off the charging cradle and turned it back on. With a few quick taps he pulled up Trowa’s number and sent him a quick message, then paced his apartment waiting for a response, phone in hand. He walked into every room of his small apartment, running a finger along the grout in the bathtub, double-checking the stainless steel sink in the kitchen, checking the corners of his bedroom for dust, running a hand across the comforter on his bed to smooth it out. Finally his phone buzzed and Heero unlocked it in a deft motion, reading the message with a slight frown, jaw clenched as he thought about what he was going to say, about what he had just done.  
Without hesitation, Heero walked swiftly out of his apartment, grabbing his windbreaker and double checking he had his keys and wallet as he stepped out the door and headed back to the train station.  
~~ ~~ ~~  
“Heya, Heero! Long time no see,” Catherine greeted him in her usual upbeat way, bringing the slightly shorter man in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. It had taken her a while to forgive him after Trowa tried to follow his example and self-detonate, but Heero and Trowa worked together on several missions when they started Preventer and had built up a decent friendship. As such, Heero slowly worked on his relationship with Catherine, and when she saw him making an effort to work on his issues she let her guard down and accepted him almost like a second younger brother. “Trowa’s with the cats today, go help him,” She gave him a big, genuine smile and Heero returned one, not so big, but sincere, before heading to the back of the main tent where he remembered they usually set up the animals.  
“Here,” When Heero walked up beside Trowa, who was standing beside the large cage of the male lion he hand bonded with some four years ago, the man silently handed him a pair of latex gloves which Heero put on without question. Once they were on, Trowa handed him what appeared to be one-quarter of a pig - skinned, but not completely bled - and indicated towards the tiger cage just off to the right of the lion’s cage. The silent clown himself was feeding the lion out of his hand like an over-sized kitten. Heero couldn’t imagine what kind of trust it took to build that bond but he admired Trowa’s natural ability to befriend animals.  
As soon as Heero began walking to the tiger’s cage, the large, striped female stood up and pressed her powerful body against the cage bars, walking along the length of it, her fur slipping through the space in the steel bars in tufts, muscles shifting underneath. She looked Heero in the eye and he made a conscious effort to hold her gaze, as Trowa had instructed him to do the first time he’d helped his friend with feeding the animals.  
‘They’re stealth predators,’ Trowa had explained, ‘they don’t like to attack anything that’s seen them,’  
Heero used the heft of the huge side of meat he was holding to underhand swing it through the bars of the tiger’s cage and she snapped up the foot or so that lodged near her and yanked it in further. But instead of releasing it to her entirely, the stoic man held on as best he could, pulling back against her. Trowa had shown him how to do this; things like tug-of-war helped other animals understand that their interactions with them were non-threatening and tactile games helped especially well with that. So Heero found himself occasionally playing tug-of-war with a tiger and almost half a pig.  
“Asha likes you,” Heero let the carcass slip from his fingers after one final tug, and Asha pulled it completely into her cage with just a quick twist of her neck as if it were made of styrofoam. Trowa stood beside him, a small smile playing on the corners of his lips as he watched her tear great chunks out of her dinner. “She usually gives up when I try to play lately, maybe she’s upset I don’t visit that often,” He mused, stripping off his own, very bloody, gloves and dropping them in the bucket that had, until a few minutes ago, been carrying some of the meat for the big cats.  
“I don’t visit nearly as much as you do,” Heero pointed out, following Trowa’s lead and dumping his gloves in the bucket as the other man picked it up by the handle, taking it to a post with a hose hung on it.  
“Well you’re consistently rare,” Trowa reasoned, tossing the gloves in a partially full trash bag and rinsing out the bloody bucket. “So it’s a treat when she gets to see you,”  
The former pilot of 01 watched Trowa idly as he went through washing out the bucket, noting how he’d changed since they first met. He was certainly still taller than Heero, his hair was a bit shorter now but Trowa still wore it over one eye, though when he went on undercover missions he wore it short, textured and parted off to the right. Heero had discovered early in their friendship that Trowa knew what he looked like, and while he wasn’t necessarily vain about it, he knew how to dress and present himself for whatever situation. And he was handsome, even when they were all half-starved child terrorists, it was like Trowa wore his thinness, at times he looked like a minimalist painting, the slim curves and contours drawing the eyes of strangers, of most everyone. But now he was a healthier weight, his shoulders and back were more broad, the muscle a little thicker, his waist still tapered and his legs were still long and lean but there was a more controlled power to his movement, more of a sense of weight and control. Sometimes, Heero thought idly, he looked quite a lot like the lion he was so close to.  
Heero helped him tip the bucket after it was filled completely with soapy water. Trowa had returned from his last mission with a recently dislocated shoulder, and while there hadn’t been any torn ligaments he still had to go through several weeks of physical therapy before he could be considered for the field again. The healing process was slow and frustrating, but the silent, slender man was taking it in stride, opting to spend more time with his adoptive circus family since they were in town for the month.  
“Hm,” Trowa stood, hanging the bucket from a nail on the post so it could dry. “So, what did you want to talk about?” He turned to Heero, expression neutral, voice soft as ever.  
Heero glanced off to the side, letting out a small breath before locking eyes with his friend. “I need help, I don’t know what to do about…” He paused, brow furrowing slightly as he weighed whether or not he should tell Trowa about his and Duo’s...his and Duo’s what? It wasn’t a relationship. If he wanted to view it objectively it was about a handful of sexual acts. “I…”  
Trowa watched the faint traces of inner turmoil pass over the other man’s face and his own expression became one of genuine interest. “Let’s take this somewhere more private, shall we?” He offered, gesturing towards his truck which was parked a few feet away.  
“Yeah,” Heero conceded following his friend, still frowning slightly, trying to untangle his thoughts.  
~~ ~~ ~~  
“You what?!” Hilde shouted practically in Duo’s face, the alcohol blush on the tips of her ears already apparent after three whiskey sodas. Duo gave her an embarrassed grin, right hand firmly planted on the back of his head after what he’d just admitted. “Duo! Duo I can’t believe you!” She giggled, almost climbing over the table of the booth they were in, trying to get closer to her friend.  
The club they were in was loud, dark and smelled like spilled liquor and sugary vapor. It was perfect for hiding in, as Duo had come to discover with Hilde’s help after she had taken a job as Chief Engineer at Preventer. She’d accepted the position when he was away on a year-long mission and when he’d returned, raw and unsettled from being undercover for so long, she had dragged him to a club and bought him shots until he remembered how to dance and just let go. The hangover afterward had also been a reminder in how to rest after so many months of being on edge 24/7. So now whenever Duo came back from a mission, they went to a club and ‘decompressed’ as Hilde explained it, usually while grinning and handing him a drink that was black light reactive.  
“I know, I know, I’m a terrible person, I should be locked up,” Duo joked, a slight grin on his face as he moved his and Hilde’s empty glasses out of the way as she actually decided to climb over the table. He placed a hand on her side as she wriggled and scooted her way next to him on the slightly slippery, glittery vinyl seat. Hilde had always been much more energetic and bubbly than Duo, at least that’s how he felt. And though, over the years, she’d matured emotionally and even gone off to get a degree in Engineering, which is what had secured her the job as Head of Engineering at Preventer, she was just as bouncy and sweet as ever when she was with Duo.  
“No! You dummy! I mean how are you here right now? Have you seen Heero? Like I know you’ve seen Heero but like why didn’t you just say ‘oh sorry, Hilde, I have to go bone my new boyf, bye’, like dude, seriously,” She shoved him a bit more forcefully that intended, having lost some control to the whiskey, a small giggle escaping her when she realized she was being a bit too rough.  
Duo gripped the side of the table to keep from sliding out of the booth and made a face at her use of the word ‘boyf’. “Don’t…” He had had just as much as her, but his alcohol tolerance was a little better and he was still aware of how tired his throat was from shouting over the music, still uncomfortable trying to parse out the idea of what he and Heero had done and what their relationship was now, how it would change, if he even wanted it to.  
“What?” Hilde shouted in his ear.  
“We’re not- he left! He just left I don’t know what happened!” Duo rolled his eyes, struck with irritation that he was trying to have this conversation with what was now a very giddy, drunk Hilde. Typically he could match her, aloof and fun-loving they would bullshit, drink and dance but this time his heart just wasn’t in it, he didn’t feel like he usually did after a mission- like he needed to slough off a whole world of troubles that weren’t his anymore. Heero wasn’t trouble, what he had or wanted with Heero was troubling him, but none of it was the same and though Duo was always amused by how Hilde became even more outgoing and giddy when she drank, the whole drink-our-cares-away tradition didn’t feel like it fit his needs this time around. Still, there wasn’t much else for him to do and it wasn’t like this was the worst way for him to spend a night.  
“He left what?” She shouted.  
“He left! He just left! The lobby, after we spoke? He left!” Duo shouted back, raising an empty glass at one of the roaming waiters when he caught their eye. They made a beeline to him and, smiling the most disingenuous smile, took his glass and read the RFID on it as they walked away. He wondered briefly if he’d ever accidentally forgotten to tip that particular waiter and made a mental note to leave a decent tip this time around.  
“He just left? Why? Was it just like casual?” Hilde lifted her glass as well just as the waiter turned on their heel. “Aww poo!” She stuck her tongue out.  
“You’ve had enough,” He teased, nudging her as she giggled and nodded.  
“Yeah- but wait, why? What happened? Duo!” She put a hand on his shoulder, shaking it slightly.  
Duo gave her a ‘beats me’ expression, hands in the air as he shook his head. “I said I just need to readjust and he muttered something about not forcing me and walked out of the lobby,”  
“Force? Did he force- Duo, did he force you?” Hilde was suddenly in his face, their noses practically touching as she twisted him in her direction by the shoulders, “Duo, I’ll kill him,” Her expression was a little unfocused but serious, and Duo didn’t doubt she could hold her own against the perfect soldier at least for a little while by sheer force of will.  
“No! No, it was- thank you!” The waiter placed his fresh drink down pointedly in his line of sight and rather harder than was necessary, spilling a bit of it. “No, Hilde, he said he wasn’t gonna force me,” He shouted, his voice getting more hoarse but still just audible over the thumping bass. He gently took her hands off his shoulders and look her in the eye, trying to get her to focus.  
“Oh! Ok!” Hilde sat back. “Oh, my drink!” She exclaimed with a bright look once she noticed Duo’s drink.  
“No! No, Hilde you’re cut off,” Duo snatched his drink up just as she reached for it and drank it down as she playfully tried to take it from him. He knew this hangover would be like the first one. “C’mon, let’s go dance!” He placed the empty glass down, tapped his RFID wristband to the table so it stayed black- meaning occupied- as they slid out of the booth and made their way to the haptic dance floor with its prismatic neon-and-pastel lighting reacting to the heat of bodies and the thrum of music.  
~~ ~~ ~~  
“I don’t know if walking out on him was the best thing to do,” Trowa said carefully, taking a sip of coffee, eyeing the still-hot drink in his hand as Heero did the same, nodding in agreement.  
“It wasn’t, but I just...acted, I’ve never done that before, I mean,” He looked at his own coffee, gently swirled it in his half-full mug. “I’ve never done any of this before,” He admitted in a low voice, a slightly weary look on his face.  
“I think,” Trowa paused, sitting back in his chair. They were at Trowa’s apartment, a small, one bedroom affair similar to Heero’s just a few blocks south of him. Trowa’s apartment had the benefit of being higher up in his building than Heero’s was, and it had a large sliding glass door leading to a balcony that overlooked the city and let in lots of natural light during the day, showed off the city lights at night. The acrobatic former pilot of Heavyarms wouldn’t admit this to his stoic friend but he actually bought it for the view. He thought it would be an ideal excuse to invite people up when he wanted to. It worked quite well. Not that he didn’t also enjoy it himself. In fact his small living room set was arranged so it faced the large sliding glass door, the low chairs with their pine wood frames and off-white cushions and matching couch all set the way most people set up their furniture around a television - a feature Trowa’s apartment distinctly lacked. He could read the news on his phone or computer and there wasn’t much else he would have used a t.v. for anyway.  
“Should I...apologize?” Heero ventured after a moment of silence. Trowa looked at his friend over the small breakfast table and felt a pang of sympathy. About a year after they signed up with Preventer, Trowa had gone through a similar dilemma. He’d met a civilian that frequented the same places he did and when Trowa had found out that the person- a lovely non-binary femme with wide, brown eyes- worked at the animal shelter in his neighborhood he thought it would be nice to invite them out for coffee and see where things went. The relationship fell apart after a few months, but they were patient with him and in the end the two ended things amicably. They had even encouraged Trowa to look for a therapist and occasionally texted him.  
But Trowa knew that wasn’t going to be a realistic outcome for Heero and Duo. Duo was notorious for his last-minute reports, showing a sense of avoidance that spoke to his need to cut-and-run even in situations that didn’t call for it. And Trowa had overseen Heero’s recovery after the perfect soldier had detonated Wing Zero, so he knew exactly how confrontational his friend was. Now he looked at Heero’s troubled expression, unsure of quite what to say but wanting to help him.  
Heero sighed, took another sip of coffee and swirled the deep brown liquid around in his mug again. “Maybe he really did need to re-adjust to being back on Earth,” He finally muttered, feeling like an idiot as the possibility of that thought sunk in. He set the cup down gently, suddenly very uninterested in its contents.  
“Well, yes that’s likely,” Trowa conceded reluctantly, wishing he could say something more optimistic to lift the other man’s spirits. “But, all you did was walk away right?”  
“After telling him I wasn’t going to force him to do anything,” Heero put one hand over his face, feeling dumber by the second. “I should apologize,” He sighed, closing his eyes.  
“It sounds like that might be best, maybe try to focus on explaining how you felt, I mean-” Trowa let out a breath and set down his coffee cup with a small ‘clink’, expression pensive, his empty cup on the saucer in front of him. “-what if he didn’t even notice?”  
The silence that followed that question hung heavy in the air as Heero stared off into the middle distance for a few moments, then put both hands on his face, then back through his hair. The mostly finished cup of coffee going cold as it sat in its own saucer. “Crap,” He muttered, leaning back in his chair.  
~~ ~~ ~~  
“You should talk to him, Duo, honestly,” Hilde whined at the L2 native for probably the five-hundredth time that night as they stumbled into his apartment and she threw herself on his black leather couch. It was a deceptive piece of furniture, when he’d first invited her over she had looked at it and thought it would be as comfortable as a pew, but he made her sit on it and Hilde discovered it was made of a sort of aero-foam and gel hybrid. It didn’t consume its guest like an overstuffed fluffy monster couch and wasn’t like a CEO’s leather power trip couch specifically designed to make anyone feel just uncomfortable enough to remind them that they were only welcome in that person’s space by their ‘good graces’. It was like a really expensive bed got turned into a couch and she had loved it ever since.  
“I dunno, it’s...weird,” Duo sighed, still drunk but just lucid enough to be mentally competent. He closed the door behind them, phone in one hand as he rated their driver five stars and gave him a 50% tip and slipping his phone back into his jacket pocket, which wasn’t much considering he only lived a mile from the club, but they guy had taken a chance on letting Hilde into his car even though she was probably a puking hazard right now. Of course the woman was tough, even if she had needed to heave she certainly hadn’t let on and the drive was pretty uneventful, aside from her constant nagging about Duo’s new personal situation. “I mean, we talked a little bit about what we wanted when we got dirtside but then he just booked it the first chance he got and now I’m not sure, what if he decided this wasn’t a good idea or, I dunno...” He let his sentence trail off with a defeated sigh.  
“You know that’s some projection-style bullshit,” Duo could just make out her muffled words as Hilde had her arm thrown over her face, laying on her back with her legs over one arm rest. He couldn’t help but give a tired smirk to her prone form on his couch as he took off his jacket, throwing it over the old armchair that he and Hilde had salvaged from the rich part of town two months ago when they’d gone through their seasonal furniture purge. It was a huge wingback ordeal with a strong wooden frame but a horrid floral pattern material Duo had had reupholstered to match the couch. It was the first time he’d had a real place of his own to furnish and the L2 orphan was finding he had at least a mild sense of style.  
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” He groaned, sitting down on the couch beside her and leaning his head back so that the base of his skull rested on the top of the back pillow and his neck was exposed completely.  
“So call him,” Hilde’s muffled voice made him roll his eyes.  
“Not tonight,” He muttered, starting to feel tired, but more than tired, like he was drained, empty, nearly immaterial. Like he could just sink through the couch and out of existence if he just let go.  
There were several minutes of silence where Duo thought about sinking into nothingness and Hilde appeared to be asleep, at least until she sat up and loudly declared, “I’m hungry,” then immediately went to use the bathroom.  
Her words brought Duo back to the land of the living and made him realize the emptiness he was feeling was predominantly in his stomach, and getting some carbs in him and his ridiculously confrontational and very good friend wouldn’t be such a bad idea considering how much alcohol they had consumed. He sat forward, looking around the room to try and locate his phone before realizing it was still in his jacket pocket. With a small huff, and noticing how the room threatened to tilt as he stood, Duo retrieved the thin rectangle from his jacket before sitting back down onto the couch and unlocking his phone.  
“What delivery do you want?” He called out, loud enough to be heard over the faint flush of a toilet.  
“Delivery boyf!” Hilde shouted as she opened the door to the bathroom and walked back into the room, “call Heero,” She chanted, “Deliver Heero!” giggling, she fell back into the same position on the couch.  
Duo rolled his eyes so hard it almost hurt, he held his unlocked phone in one hand, his elbow propped on his knee as he sat hunched over slightly, waiting for her to name a late night delivery service so he could voice dial them. “I wouldn’t call Heero my ‘boyf’ and also stop using that word it’s weird,” He grumbled, giving Hilde’s forehead an unfocused glare. His phone lit up, the words ‘Calling Heero Yuy’ gracing the top half of the screen as Duo poked his friend in the head, the phone completely in his blindspot. “Tell me what you want to eat, drunky,” He teased.  
“Tell me why you’re avoiding your boyf,” Hilde giggled, not reacting to his poking.  
“He’s not my boyf,” Duo grumbled again, “I don’t even know if he’d want a relationship with someone like me,” The typically charismatic pilot admitted begrudgingly, the hand he held his phone in fell between his knees. “I mean, look at him, sure he’s got a robotic type of routine down, but he’s emotionally stable, he’s competent, he’s got everything he needs to just integrate into society if he needs to, hell I don’t even know why he’s still with Preventer when he could probably just go work for a software company and make millions, but he does this because he believes it’s right, which is crazy to me, that he has that ethical compass that just...fucking leads him and he doesn’t ever seem to doubt himself, and why would he? He’s been the perfect soldier, Quatre calls him the fucking heart of outer space, shit, he literally saved the world from nuclear winter, he’s a hero, and he actually believes the world is worth saving and I’m a mess, like a genuine honest-to-god mess of a human being, I wasn’t even going to land on Earth, I was planning on blowing up Deathscythe and getting rid of everyone on board the shuttle, including myself, and I still try to do shit like that, I run and hide, I’ve always done it, it’s always kept me alive and that’s all I’ve ever cared about, just keeping me alive, I’m selfish and scared and-” As he spoke, Duo found the words pouring out of him, his voice becoming more and more raw with emotion until finally he hit the nerve he’d been avoiding ever since he chose to kiss Heero on the shuttle. “-he’d leave me when he found out,” the words were shaky and Duo felt hot tears pool up and distort his vision before spilling down his cheeks. His phone counted the seconds of the active call.  
~~ ~~ ~~  
Heero nearly jumped when his phone rang. He had only just gotten back to his own apartment after talking with Trowa and was putting away some groceries- coffee, rice, salmon and some other perishables he needed to stock up on again- before heading to bed. It had been grounding, talking with the other ex-pilot, Trowa was careful with his words but he never avoided the truth. Together they had sorted out why Heero may have reacted so negatively to Duo’s words. He had planned to call Duo tomorrow, in the evening because he knew the other man liked to hang out with Hilde when he returned from missions and would probably sleep in, but now as he pulled his phone out of his back pocket and saw Duo’s name on the caller ID he was struck with another wave of illogical hope. Without thinking, Heero tapped the green ‘accept call’ icon and held the phone up to his ear, putting away things in his fridge and cabinets as he listened to the conversation Duo and Hilde were having, unsure of what else to do.  
After a minute of silently listening he hung up and left his apartment, grabbing his keys from the side table near the door on his way out, his expression one of familiar determination.


End file.
